Do you think with the new Laravel stuff, 2) might be more feasible? I write a surprising amount of PHP for fun (not work/profit, so not really critical either) and IME Laravel has been incredibly easy to port out, with native config file support, CLI migrations, etc.
I think 3) is interesting, because effectively a huge draw of your product is targeting privacy conscious people, and those are probably the least likely to want to trust a third party for it.
I used https://haveamint.com/ for a while, but it's also been dead for quite a while. I haven't been able to get Piwik to handle my traffic volume.
I don't make anything from my side projects, but I prefer self hosting to know exactly how much data is being collected and reduce it or modify the tracker script as needed, location-respect by hosting analytics data in the same datacentre as the site (so EU users aren't randomly getting analytics ticks sent to US or whatever, some people care, this is just easier for me), and it's really, really cheap to have bulk capacity for me compared to paying a SaaS per pageview - I have about 4 TB of RAM free right now on my (mostly k8s) clusters.