2) Department of No doesn't have to be a thing, it just takes some emotional intelligence and pragmatism. 'Always saying no' is as much the fault of the sec eng as it is the system. If you have the will power and general positive mindset, it's more than easy to go through a sec career without getting angry. It just requires not default No, and ....
3) Understand people want to do a good job. If you tell them they're doing a shitty job, they'll tell you to fuck off. If you (sarcasm font) admire what they're doing, and have some stuff that can get added to build an even better product, people are surprisingly amenable to working with you. It seems like 70% of sec folks think their job is to say No, and as a result never get there.
4) This was a huge lesson for me that made me understand the field: to be successful in sec, you must learn that your personal risk tolerance will not always equal the enterprise's risk tolerance. Making money, in a digital field, is an inherently risk-on undertaking. It's crucial to know what to not escalate beyond your team, what to not cause a fuss about, what is just a known risk that will continue to exist, and then have clear requirements for what risk you will escalate and shake cages about.
It seems like all of these sec rants boil down to seeing the system and being unwilling to work within it, vs. seeing the system, accepting it, and figuring out how best to navigate it, and what tools and personal skill sets I'll really have to maximize to succeed in it.