The advice here is terrible. How are you supposed to get 8 hrs of sleep if you are anxious all the time, lol. Its like saying 'just eat healthy food ' to the person struggling with weight issues. You cannot solve the anxiety financial insecuitry for your family with "self care".

I think your only option here is to

1. move into non-coding management role, you have to do everything at your work to make this possible.

2. Apply for management jobs everywhere after you have accomplished 1.

3. Get upto speed on system design, study a little bit everyday. Its not hard stuff.

4. Get your spouse to start working even if its a job at walmart.

5. Not sure what is going on with finances but why don't u have a 401k?