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any place that would give me a hard time because of a 3 months gap in my resume is a place I'd rather not work at

> A 3-month hole in your resume will be something you'd have to explain to your future employers for the rest of your life.

Huh? People take time off between jobs all the time.

There are places that demand your high school and/or college diplomas even if it's been 30 years. There are places that give programmers tests with flow charts. At some stage of maturity you realize there's no point in worrying about pleasing everybody, because many of them are unreasonable and you'll never get the chance anyway.

Whenever there are unreasonable rules and you really do want to get around them, all you have to do is find a way to demonstrate your talent sufficiently that people will bend them for you.