Yeah, let me just multithread and hand-optimize the piss out of this Go program until it's marginally faster than it would have been in C.

Reminds me of the argument that venison tastes better than beef. The argument roughly being, "If you shoot the deer right, drag it home right, gut it right, skin it right, tenderize it right and cook it _just_ right, it'll be _almost_ as good as store-bought frozen beef"