Just use LTSC. No Cortana, no Store, no Edge, and obviously no Candy Crush--in fact, no Metro apps to speak which, not even the Calculator (instead you get the one from Windows 7)
I don't understand why Microsoft is doing this. There's basically zero effort involved in setting up a credit card payment form that gives out product keys, and there'd be at least some demand for it.
I don't get it. How does popularity have anything to do with how much effort is needed to backport updates? Those editions already exist, so they're already committed to supplying updates. Might as well make some extra money by selling it for $300+ retail.
AFAIK you can get around that requirement by buying a bunch of cheap CALs.