* work out. I like free weights and bike riding or running for cardio. I recommend the local YMCA as these tend to be more community driven and less profit motivated pickup centers
* cook. this has several benefits. it can be challenging and relaxing while providing necessary sustenance at a price point cheaper than going out. can also be a social thing.
* take a class / learn something. it can be work related, semi work related or something else. I like the free educational videos on the webs. lately I've been getting back into math which is semi work related but in the past I have taken language classes at the local community college.
* outdoor activities or team sports. Did you have a favorite thing to do outside as a child or teen? Maybe you could take it up again or try something new. basketball, soccer (football if you are not in USA), surfing, geocaching, ultimate frisbee, bicycling, golf?
* amateur radio. getting a license is easy if you are at all technical and it opens up some doors for mucking with WIFI or LORA, SDR, and more. hams are an aging group but they are friendly, knowledgeable and desperately want their hobby to survive.
* maker projects. there are many projects already documented on the web or you can build your own. kind of amazing what one person can do with a raspberry pi, some basic electronic parts, and a bit of code.
* volunteer. so many organizations need skilled people. can you mentor people on computer skills or something else?
Growth = stress + rest
The more elite people can take on a lot more stress. 0 doesn't necessarily mean watching Netflix; for me that's more stressful than playing with spreadsheets or commenting on HN.
What most people do is stick around 3-5 stress level (the comfort zone) or constantly at 6 (trying my best). It's a recipe for mediocrity as you never push yourself hard enough to improve.
If you've had a slow day at work, then push yourself. If you're not sure what to do, pick up a book. Something like this is nice to start: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19087418
You can practice typing faster. Learn keyboard shortcuts; they're probably the biggest leverage I have in programming now. Learn speed reading or how to get to 90% comprehension. These are all fun things to do, yet enough to tire you out.
But don't do this every night. Find things that actually replenish you, not some mindless semi-productive activity. I personally love playing with my kids, watching superhero movies, reading web fiction or TV tropes, or idle games that involve wikis and spreadsheets. You find your thing.
I good judge is how I feel in the morning. If I'm physically or mentally sore, I need to focus on rest that day. If I can naturally wake before 6, it's a day to push myself.
Exercise is a closer analogy. You can't really lift more until you lift near your capacity. A brief session is far more impactful than long sessions of a lower weight. Short bursts at near max speed improve your stamina than an hour long walk.
Mentally it works the same way too. Sometimes growth means just thinking faster, or being able to follow a train of thought deeper.
Knowledge wise, you should be reading more difficult, information dense books, and less articles, podcasts, light books. The lighter ones I find are trivia, they don't improve your understanding of the world much, but the essays, biographies, historical books, academic journals go far.
You do need lots of rest. It's not a bad thing to be stressed out, as long as you get plenty of rest.
Deeper in, there's games like Kittens.
More complicated, there's online games like Cyber Nations. The one I've been playing for months is Soulforged, which has a complex research and crafting system: https://soulforged.net:8443/
Stress for me is mainly responsibility with lack of authority. Other stress comes from anxiety.
I think the stress level should be just high enough that you're close to giving up. It's at the point where you simply can't go any harder. You'll either improve biologically, as in your mind/body improves to meet the demands, or you find other, more effective ways to do it.
Every once in while I get a new cookbook like "Voila! Effortless French Cookbook," "German Meals at Oma's", and "Essentials of Classic Italian Cooking" and then work my way through the recipes that look interesting. I have found a lot of recipes that take hours of preparation and cooking, but I have also found many that I love that I can get together in 20 minutes.
Spending some time learning how to cook is very relaxing, but it also is quite cost effective because now we very rarely go out to dinner. The best part is that the whole family actually looks forward to trying new meals together, so Friday nights have become what they should be: long hours gathered around the table talking and laughing, eating well and drinking wine by candle light.
I cherish every Friday night that the kids are home from university and appreciate even more the quiet nights that I share with my wife.
If you’re not in a city, there are plenty of hobbies that might interest you. Anything fitness / sports. Learn to draw / paint. Take courses online. Read books. Sculpt. Build. Tinker. Cook. Mediate.
Find things that are relaxing to challenging, so you have options depending on your day.
You can, however, just go out and get a dog. They can take up a lot of time while also being very rewarding. And it’s a lot cheaper.
I have 12 kids. They depend on me. There is always something going on. Even the bad things have an upside of removing boredom. There is no time for television. Tomorrow, on Saturday, I will be homeschooling AP Chemistry. Three kids have to go to college classes, and six kids need to sign up for spring semester. Little ones need to learn reading and math. The baby is extra cute and fun to play with. There is grocery shopping to do, sometimes 4 carts at a time.
I don't expect to pay for college for all 12. They start dual-enrollment as early as 12, with the school district paying for books and tuition, so a college degree can be had for the cost of commuting and trivial fees. Normally that would be just an AA degree (the few 4-year degrees offered locally are lousy), but a couple more years to upgrade it to a BS at UCF isn't terribly expensive. I could just pay it, but it might be better for the kids to solve their own financial problems. Maybe somebody will go into the military, go to a trade school, or be a homemaker. The ones with plans so far have chosen: CPA (maybe), software developer, lawyer (physics undergrad), something medical (physician assistant?), and midwifery.
I am sure a good chunk of the fathers who are still "looking for the right pack of cigarettes" had a similar idea
That feeling of empty pointlessness is because SOME drive is not being satisfied, but it might be completely unrelated to having children.
See a movie. Date a person. Start a community war. Draw a picture. Read a book. Write a book. Go for a swim. Call a relative. Visit a friend. Make a friend. Take a night class. Play a video game. Whittle. Cook. Volunteer. Brew beer. Start a fight. Walk around. Pull a prank. Make graffiti. Build a robot. Throw a party. Have a regular potluck. Buy a dart board and get really good. Play a game. Feed some ducks.
But I'm genuinely curious. Did you have this problem as a kid or after the school day or did it sorta just happen when you started in the workforce?
There's something deeply satisfying in playing together in a large group. I'd recommend something a little livelier than classical but that's fun too!
> Knuth: There is a very profound change that I can't account for. In the 70s, the majority of our students were very interested in music. The first thing we'd ask them when they came in was "What instrument do you play?" We had lots of chamber groups and so on. Now almost none of the students are interested in music.
Ideally I envision myself going to the gym, going to a meetup, playing board games, etc, but I just never seem to bring myself around to doing it.
1. good exercise.
2. you'll start noticing more and looking at things differently.
3. you'll be holding a camera instead of a phone - so you'll stay more engaged with the exercise.> Go for a walk
It's almost winter in US. Pardon me, but taking a walk in the dark, alone, with your camera doesn't really sound as a good advice.
I bet with your new iPhone you can take gorgeous photos at night but that can be fun only once on the blue moon, not every day?..
Unless of course if you live in crappy place riddled with criminality and evening walk is semi-sure way to get mugged or worse.
Heck, evening walks are a great way to clear your head after long day at work. I get tons of ideas out of blue when subconsciousness processes them.
Pardon me, but the US is an absolutely giant place - in Texas this is the time of year where I can go out in the evening and not be miserable. Also some of the best photo's I've ever taken where in Telluride in the middle of February right after sunset.
Your city almost certainly has some variation on this concept.
There was a period in my life when I just moved to another country and felt lonely. I bought a line and started to practice in a popular park. On a good day I could meet 1-2 people per hour. There were people from wildly different backgrounds - sometimes it's a quirky homeless guy, young father, cute girls, policeman
Woodworking has been my kick for the past few years and it's a great hobby if you have a bit of space to make sawdust (basement, back yard/common area, garage, spare room). I find that it's really satisfying to make something tangible. Even after a full day of building software, spending time working with your hands can be incredibly satisfying, refreshing and fulfilling. It's also a very deep art/trade that you continually improve at so, over time you get to see your work improve as you learn more and get better. Things you make will go from clunky to functional to elegant. The cool thing is that you can be proud of it all. You made it!
I step out of the office, walk through the living room, and into the kitchen where my beautiful bride has dinner cooking. I wash up, then join Wifey and the kids at the kitchen table.
After dinner, my wife and I go for a good walk. After that, it's family tv time.
I really, really love working from the house. Zero time wasted on commuting.
I would say you are mostly looking for a “kick” to get going. You may already know what you want... or you don’t, but either way it is important to “try”.
The more you get “out there” the more likely you will experience things you enjoy.
My concrete recommendation: 1. create a list of things that interest you/goals/or skills you want to develop. 2. Take no more than 3 of them you want to try to do for a year. 3. Create actionable activities that you can do at least monthly (but ideally weekly) on those items. 4. Do the activities. 5. Evaluate yourself every 3 months, is there one activity that is more meaningful/enjoyable than the rest? Do you find one a “dog”? Either way decide to either cut or do more on any activity.
One other note: finding a community that want the same thing can help a lot here... at least personally I am more likely to get off the couch if I know someone is counting on me.
My 2 cents...
Look for hobby groups at work as well. For a medium to large company, there are probably a lot. We have a casual after work board game club that gets together once a week, for instance.
Meetup.come and facebook groups can be a great resource. Try something that freaks you out a little bit.
I <3 acro yoga, group and solo mountain biking, and group and solo rock climbing. Maybe one more of those would work for you. Maybe you should find something else. Ultimate frisbee, geocaching, group fitness classes, group hiking. There are a lot of exercise + socialize options out there if you go looking for them. Do it and I bet you’ll thank yourself for it later on down the road. If you feel uncomfortable putting yourself out there and trying something new than just try to remember how uncomfortable you are with the thought that there might be something more out there for you. I bet that there is.
It'll all help you be more creative at work too :)
I sort of agree with this as when I come back from work I often find myself lacking the willpower to do anything more than skim HN, reddit or watch something on youtube and then sleep.
I've found myself to be more productive if I get some time in the morning before I go to work.
> And I started asking, ``What are the important problems of your field?'' And after a week or so, ``What important problems are you working on?'' And after some more time I came in one day and said, ``If what you are doing is not important, and if you don't think it is going to lead to something important, why are you at Bell Labs working on it?'' I wasn't welcomed after that; I had to find somebody else to eat with!
Let me suggest that it may be possible you haven't yet found your calling.
Now, maybe you're at the start of your career, or at a point where you need to work your way up the ladder to gain skills and prove yourself in order to get to the important work. Sometimes you need to grind. If your field is software, though, I'd caution that it's not going to stay the same, and what you see as interesting and important may not exist in a couple years when you get there.
The people I most look up to are hungry to go to work every day, and do their work. They attack it, and then look for more. They've done many completely different types of work, so they're sure this is what they want to spend their life on.
If I could go back 10 or 20 years, to where I was in the same position, I'd tell myself to spend those extra hours learning new skills and trying different kinds of work. I kind of did, but I definitely undershot on variety. I didn't even have the correct first approximation to the job I have today.
[1]: https://www.cs.virginia.edu/~robins/YouAndYourResearch.html
The literal answer to your question is: after work, volunteering, and training, I pretty much go home and go to sleep. I have no energy left for even watching TV.
(If it helps anyone, Kurt Vonnegut, who wrote Slaughterhouse Five and Breakfast of Champions is a big fan of Dostoevsky and recommends his works in multiple writings.)
/$0.02
Or have children.
I.e. I have dance-lessons on monday and wednesday evening, and there open dance-hall every sunday.
Or, I know that every tuesday and thursday there is a boardgame meetup.
Previously, when I wanted to meet my friends for a beer or coffe, I would usually start organizing something late afternoon, and realized nobody has time in the evening. Now everybody know that I am free after my dance lessons, so one less thing to argue about :)
I'm happy you enjoy your work but I can't imagine not knowing what to do with your free time. If anything I get stressed because there's too much to do!
If you're a real human - and you are - you should spend more time with yourself and get to known about yourself and how different and similar you are to the other human beings, what's your common ground and where you briefly part your ways. You should do nothing more often just because being (as opposed to doing) is truly a wholesome thing in itself and you probably deserve it. You should cultivate your curiosity and learn about things not because they're useful to your job, but because you may become a better friend, brother and son. You should learn to enjoy your company and be your own friend and exert more control over the things that look like escapism - TV, internet, drugs and all - but be a wholesome person as well and understand the age you live in and its peculiarities.
If you're a real human - and you are - you should spend more time with your friends. In the long run, most people regret not spending more time cultivating fulfilling and genuine friendships and keeping in touch over the years. (2) You should strive to be a better friend than you currently are and use some of your spare time to make their lives a bit better and their journeys easier. You should set aside time each week for some of them and call them, email them, write them paper letters and cook for them at your place. You should spend more time helping your friends know the real you, the scared you, the brave you, the silly you, as they probably already know the smart and sexy you.
If you're a real human - and you are - you should spend more time with your family. Some of the strongest and best reasons to be alive are connected to what we call our families. Being an adult yourself now, with your own peculiarities, life experience and unique perspective - you should be more kind to them and more approachable and less judgemental. You should make their journey through life less arduous and painful. You should be there more often for dinner and bake your lovely cake for them. You should ask for their opinions even though you're not going to follow them. You should teach them that things can be good and that's not always a muddle-through. Be a good dad without any logic to support it.
If you're a real human - and I'm sure you are - you should enjoy your work but never confuse work with life. While work is certainly part of it, it should never-ever replace life's extensive and puzzling experiences, disappointments and boredoms. Your brief visit here is realy truly brief, you just can't see it yet. Oftentimes and without our noticing, work saps meaning from life but we learn this when we've stopped being busy and eager. In your free time after work, you should be your own self, without the demands of work and social life. You should pursue your own activities and create your own meaning. There's certainly more to life than work. (3)
Here is a Freddie Mercury snippet to go with that.
"There must be more to life than living There must be more that needs the light Why should it be just a case of black or white There must be more to life than this"
1. https://waitbutwhy.com/2014/05/life-weeks.html / 2. https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/01/top-fiv... / 3. https://old.reddit.com/r/stopworking/
* Lose the TV (it opens up space, saves electricity and you can put plants in its place)
* Improve and optimize your living. Eg adding a hook somewhere to hang stuff. Make an economic shower caddy. Install accessible power points.
* Cook. For a tired mind, cooking and cleaning afterwards is very soothing.
Stockholm syndrome.
In a city like NY or London or SF, what would be good Third places for HN-type people?
I'm not sure what "HN-type people" means because I'm clearly way out of the standard demographic and my Third Place would not be yours. It pains me to think that there is a standard demographic here.
It's a great way to wind down the day after using your brain all day sitting in a chair. The pump you get in your arms, chest, back and legs feels awesome.
Spend time with my family and play video games.
People get wrapped around the axel of the effectiveness of aikido, but truthfully it’s great defense against dying lonely or of heart disease. At least at many dojos. Some dojos are less physical than I'd like, and some are more. I’m happy to be at a dojo that leaves me uninjured but drenched in sweat and out of breath (and I’m in pretty good shape).