Why do we think cats are unfriendly?
bbc.com
bbc.com
When I rescued a street cat, the first thing I did was google how to take care of it and understand it. This was many, many years ago. All this information existed a long time ago, and so it's weird to me that people still think that cats are unfriendly. Or are people knowledgeable, but media just likes to make clickbait?
I'll forever trust that cats absolutely can be friendly. My cat would come and sleep with me every night, often cuddle up in my lap, and my roommate told me when I went on vacation, my cat would stay all day at the door every day waiting for me to come back. Yeah, I once took care of a friend's cat that was particularly unfriendly. That cat just had a difficult time bonding with strangers. But just because some human being has difficulty interacting with people (especially people on the autistic spectrum), I wouldn't label them (and certainly not the entire human race) unfriendly. Those cats and those humans just have something else going on in their lives and need a different approach, that's all.
As a cat guy, these articles do annoy me. Show a cat love, the cat will respond positively. Some cats are high-strung and need certain attention, but that's true for people too. Even my friend's unfriendly cat eventually came around, though it took weeks. Don't label the entire species.
This has been my problem with cats. They are hit or miss. I've grown up with cats and dogs and enjoyed both of their company. I never once had an unfriendly/bad dog. At least half the cats I had were... "distant" to say the least. Didn't really want attention, liked to be off on their own, etc.
Of course, the good ones are so great. A nice kitty is a really great thing and if it weren't such a dice roll, I'd have cats now.
Went missing one day, and we never saw her again. Everyone in my family was heartbroken.
I can certainly understand and agree that for a cat being so aloof and carefree probably isn't a great survival trait. Something got her, probably a coyote.
I had another cat growing up that was far more distant. Didn't really like being held / pet (but would endure it). She was a hunter. Regularly brought back kills. She lived into old age, and died peacefully.
Once in his old age he didn't return for about a week; we thought he had died. We put up posters for him around the neighborhood-it turns out that a family who lived in a house several streets away had "adopted" him (this was before RFID chipping). I still miss him.
There's a crucial period between 8 and 12 weeks (IIRC) where if a kitten isn't handled regularly they are likely to always be somewhat wary around people. If you want an affectionate cat your best bet is finding a breeder and visiting them to make sure they're treating the kittens well and interacting frequently with them.
I've owned or lived with a lot of cats over the years and the difference is very obvious, especially if you're a stranger.
Girl cat is ridiculously affectionate, she has to be on or near me or she cries.
That said, I have also known cats that were just friendly to everyone. We used to have a large orange tabby cat in the neighborhood who would just walk up to everyone who walked by and give them head butts. But he was a rare cat.
Cats have actually been found to be promiscuous in a different way: In a Horizon documentary a few years ago, "The Secret Life of Cats" [1], researchers tagged cats and followed their territorial habits, and they found that cats spend a sizeable amount of time with other families. In other words, while cats may have a home they consider their base, they're not exclusive.
It's a good documentary, featuring real researchers, which made some surprising discoveries about cat habits. In particular, the sheer number of kills is fairly astounding, with some cats averaging 7-8 (if I remember correctly) or more kills a night, including birds.
They’re now using a special toxin (harmless to native wildlife) to kill feral cats, by dropping poisoned sausages from the sky.
We show them a ton of love and they definitely reciprocate.
I object. As loudly as my old body allows.
Cats do show affection for each other and humans, but their body language is more subtle.
EDIT: I also disagree that cats are asocial, as suggested by the article. They clearly form bonds with each other and with humans.
I can't tell you how often I will go to a friends place and they tell me the cat hates people, and half an hour later they are in my lap sleeping, or laying next to me.
A lot of people misunderstand how to act around cats. I see people chase them around the house, jump right at them with all this energy, and then get upset when they jump away that the cat is "mean". No... the cat just clearly does not like what you are doing to them.
In my experience, you have to be slow. Let them come to you if they want, but don't force it. Every cat is different though, and you can't treat them all the same.
Have I met truly indifferent cats, of course. They exist and I will never deny that they do. How much of that is based on people not knowing how to properly socialize them as kittens is an open question for me though.
A lot from what I've read and my experience, there's a critical period between 8 and 12 weeks where they need handling if they aren't always to be a bit wary around people.
We think cats are "unfriendly" because they do their own thing, and don't OBEY people like Dogs. When an animals doesn't obey you and do your biding, you think they are "unfriendly".
Cats are also not "reward" oriented like Dogs, i.e. you can't "train" a cat to obey you and do your biding by giving it rewards like you can with Dogs.
You totally can shape cat's behaviour by reinforcement.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNiL9Hv2V5Q
It may be harder than for dogs, but it can be done.
Few people have seen much of my cat, because it takes her a bit of time to get used to new people[†] and will scuttle off when they are around. But she is quite attached to me. She misses me when I'm away for longer than usual and is very fussy when I come back, despite having a full bowl of kibble all morning she'll often wait until I come home at lunch and have me sit near her while she eats, she plays with me like an excited kitten at times, etc. She is happy to order the lodger around too when I'm away[‡], and will let her guard down enough to play while she is there (though usually not enough to actually play with her). There are a few others she will come out and greet, though no others she really relaxes around.
[†] she was a rescue, though I don't think she was abused explicitly in her first six months, just ignored (as she'd have never put up with kids, and her age suggests she was a Christmas kitten) so she didn't learn that a fair number of us humans are pretty decent, but we don't know for sure as she was left outside the RSPCA in a box heavily pregnant.
[‡] apparently when I'm not there, the lodger gets woken up at 0730 sharp, which is the time my alarms normally go off six days a week, and breakfast is demanded, if I am there she usually sits with/on me purring, waiting patiently, perhaps being fussed and/or massaging me, while I snooze the alarm a few times.
They are more social at night, solitary during the day.
Three "modes" of hunting, related to three main kinds of prey, each cat can have one, two, or all three:
Pounce/bite-neck: for mice and other ground prey. Some cats will pounce with their paws, but if they're hunting for food they try to get a quick kill by nipping the spine at the neck. I've heard, but I can't verify it, that the cats' tooth lines up with the mice' neck vertebrae just right to snap it instantly, when the pounce is good.
Leap/two-paw-grab: for birds/bats and other flying things (bugs). (Look up the videos of the cat and owl that grew up together...) The cat will try to grab the bird with both paws and then land on it to pin it before bringing the mouth to bear.
Reach-and-pull: For fish. Many cats ignore fish, but the single-paw reach-and-pull maneuver is to hook fish on the claws and yank it out of the water onto the land (thence to pounce/bite.)
It was cool. There’s something really neat about having a little creature you can let outside and they’re smart enough to return to you and learn the neighborhood.
It’s no longer ok to do that, and I’m not really recommending that anyone do that. Feel free to tear into me for it (I get it). All I’m saying is that there were interesting and unexpected aspects.
I attached a gps to my cats just to find out where they’d go. This was back in 2010 or so, before gps was very small. It was just small enough to put on their collar without too much risk to them.
I ended up with a scatterplot of my cats’ favorite spots. It was the Midwest in a relatively smallish suburb. Scuzzle was such a ham; it turns out he’d made friends with a lot of the neighbors, and sometimes he’d stay out for a couple days since people kept feeding him.
Eventually I started driving my car to meet him each night. I’d get pretty close to him and yell out “Scuzzle!” And he’d mrowww from the shadows and run up to meet me, then hop in the car like a dog. Eventually he started recognizing my car, and me driving it. I know this because I’d often encounter him observing my approach, and at a certain point you could see him go “oh, it’s you.” He was always very aware of the roads.
Eventually a neighbor kidnapped him and took off the gps collar. I don’t think the old lady understood it was a gps. We were walking around at night near his last known location shouting “scuzzle!” And we were getting pretty frantic since it had been days. But then we tried the last known location again and shouted again, and we heard “mrowww!” The old lady had let him sit in her sunporch, and the window (but not the screen) was open. So he heard us and we heard him. I went up and thankfully the door was unlocked, so we got him out of there without more hassle.
Showed up the next day with a picture of him on a flyer and asked her directly “have you seen this cat?” The look on her face was kind of funny in hindsight.
Meh. It was an interesting experience. Life is like that sometimes. Don’t do that; not worth the stress. But not a lot of people know that cats are smart enough that they do learn a lot of our customs, like roads and where you live.
I have a theory that cars like being stroked on the parts of their head that they can’t lick themselves, so just above their eyes etc. Logically this also means under their chin, but they had better trust you before you attempt that.
Have had very close relationships with cats - one that would meow on command for me (without reinforcement training), come and find me in the countryside if she wanted attention, curl up with me every evening, chew my hair; another that sat on my shoulders like a parrot; but also one (male) cat that I was never able to properly bond with - built like a panther and liable to bite me for no clear reason.
Shes smart though, I don't always give her a treat with a can shake, soon as she runs to me. She will sit and wait for me to "remove" the lid before she hops on the stool. But I figured that out, and just removed the lid, and I get the look like "wtf", so I pet her a bunch, then give hear a treat, not before.
I even got her to roll on her back and let me pet the soft belly. But that backfired, she now demands belly rubs, and will lay there while I'm on the computer, expecting my hand on her.
And yes, lots of slow eye blinks, shes a happy puss.
Just gotta understand them.
The author is John Bradshaw and the book is Cat Sense
I got into boxer shorts, started a bath, grabbed the cat. He loved it. It was the first time in his life he had ever purred. I made a friend that day. My friends were completely taken aback. I think his joints were inflamed, probably arthritis.
But as long as you treat it well it will always come back to you. :]
The family generally ignores her. They are "put food and water down once a week" sort of people. One does the occasional petting when walking in or out and it's convenient, and one person especially claims she is "mean" and hasn't once gone out just to socialize with her. She isn't mean...she just doesn't trust them. That's something many people don't seem to innately understand and I don't get it. You have to build trust and be consistent in how you treat life. If you treat them like things, shout, swat, or ignore them, it's you who are unfriendly and wrong. In my opinion your true character comes out in how you treat life you have power over. Whether a kitten, puppy, homeless person, employee whatever. I do the best I can for her given the "rules" they set in their house, but not being able to ensure her future as my life declines rips my heart out. I know they won't take proper care of her and I see no future where I have stability to protect her. I've tried to adopt her out before, but they refused to allow it out of some weird ego driven feeling of insult they are crap pet owners, which is a demonstrable fact. The thought of claiming she ran off and sneaking her to someone has crossed my mindm but there are so many homeless cats here its near impossible to find someone in short order. I put in my will that I want them to rehome her and left some money toward it, but I expect that to be ignored like all other requests are.
I know all of that may sound mental or ridiculous to some. My life is collapsing and it brings out intense emotion and focus on what is truly important. She has been a light for me. My family are "its just an animal/tool/mouser" types. But to me she is a living thing that feels emotions and pain and deserves a life. To me that's more important than some TV show or Facebook argument or "I don't want hair on the carpet" or the new boat or whatever other stupid egotistical material bullshit they think matters more than making sure she is fed or not locked out of the garage. I am sure my own situation magnifies my empathy, there but I wish people would consider what really matters more often. Life matters more than things. I am going to go feed her then bring her in now for a stealth cuddle session. She will probably claw bloody "play" gashes in my hand today as a reward for talking her up ;) The love scars are worn proudly. I need to start wearing some leather gloves when I antagonize her.
The DR reported the bite to the state, who forced a home investigation and vet checks on me. Even though it's no longer infected, my finger/hand still hurts and I expect it to for a long time. The whole thing cost me time away from work, prescriptions/medical stuff, and the cat's vet exam. 10/10 will never own a cat again, especially if I had kids in the house.
I've read a ton of stories lately about folks who barely bled/hurt and ended up requiring surgery.
The problem with cat bites is that people don't know how they can cause sepsis and kill you within a few days, despite appearing relatively minor. If their teeth penetrates ligament lining, it can totally destroy it, etc.
My doctor told me they'll clean dog bite and send you on your way, but a cat bite they may hospitalize you for days for monitoring, antibiotics, etc. expecting a wide variety of dangerous ailments.
A cat bite puts you at risk of several very serious infections which may not develop until much later and can cause long-term consequences.
Dogs do impact damage, but cats do poison damage.
On second thought, you never owning a cat again is probably the best choice.
The net take away for me as well.
From OP:
>Unbeknownst to me, people were messing with the poor guy all night during a party
Doesn't say a whole lot of positives if OP is freely acquainted with people who willingly hurt/disturb animals.
I own multiple cats. Have a child. We foster additional cats as well. I've never seen anyone hurt by a domesticated cat(non-feral) that didn't have it coming.
Did I also have it coming?
The cat is making it clear that you are not respecting its personal space. (It can't talk, yeah?) If you never interact with it, it has no idea whether or not you're cool.
You can buy all the toys, trees, and catnip you want, but sometimes cats just behave in a way we don't prefer as pet owners. Doesn't mean you or your roommate are at fault like others are saying.