Regarding the 502s: I was attempting to enable IPV6 and HTTP/2 for my website per a request I received from a fellow nerd over email. After two hours of pulling my hair out over intermittent non-availability, I just reverted back to my good ole trusty IPV4 non-HTTP/2 config and all is well again. Except for that guy. Sorry dude, maybe some other time.
Anyway, I would encourage everybody to read all three parts. Barring that, just read part 2 as it covers what my anonymous in-the-know source shared with me and my attempts to verify their claims with publicly available information. That's the real meat of the piece (at least it should be as I spent hours researching and cross checking data for it).
Thanks again for the support!