I'm not saying you have to call out folks or be mean to them. I'm saying that if you write a story it should have a plot. A point. Some dramatic tension. A Thesis. Something. This story did not seem to have that.
I'm sure it will work wonders for your purpose -- which I take it to be making sure he got the message -- but as a reader I'm really not very interested in your purpose. Sorry. If it makes you feel any better, people don't give a hoot about the purpose of my stories either -- except as a way to entertain them.
Like I said, the critique was meant in the spirit of friendship. From the large number of votes, it appears some people found real value in your story, but I'm just at a loss to see what it was. That's all.