I know you're being tongue-in-cheek, but it's worth making the point.
Carbon offset prices are determined by current carbon offset capacity. Like, number of acres where trees can be planted, number of carbon-scrubbing machines that can be installed at a certain location, etc.
Carbon offset supply is limited. Meaning, it cannot scale to the level the planet needs, at current prices. If we gave these carbon-offset companies X billion dollars tomorrow at current prices, it's not like our problems would be solved.
Therefore, carbon offset prices will go up as demand (read: more people seeking to offset carbon) goes up.
One way to battle that is to reduce carbon emissions while buying offsets. That will reduce the required "supply".
People who buy offsets without reducing their emissions, on the other hand, are effectively stealing resources from future people, by buying low and making it more expensive for the people buying later.
(If you really want to be a jerk about it, you can calculate your lifetime carbon expenditures and just offset all of it now while prices are cheap.)