I guess it is equivalent in some ways. In modern society we don't really see religion as fundamental to personhood, or perhaps not to the extent of gender. And many would argue that a person do not choose their gender, although since I'm also not religious, I can't tell if religious people see themselves as "choosing" their religion or not.

As for respectful disagreement, far as I can tell, concerning pronouns, if people see discussion as tantamount to disrespect, it is often because they believe that the overwhelming majority of people who insist on pronouns should be taken in good faith. There will always be people who use discussion as an excuse to in fact disrespect. It is a difficult issue and I really don't know what to think.