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Comment by asabjorn | Hacker News Reader

There is much beauty and wonder in the interplay between as well as within the genders. However, men are not imperfect women that would be improved if we adopted the other genders mannerisms. We both need to be open to listening to each other when providing the loving support that we want and need.

This article seem to be written by an ideologically inclined woman. A woman trying to understand the men in her life better might be helped more . by reading: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1594151121/ref=dbs_a_def_r...

A man trying to understand the women in his life better might be helped by reading: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1601425740/ref=dbs_a_def_r...

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Please disclaim when you are linking material that has a religious bent. Both of these books appear to be based upon the Christian belief system and as such might not be of any interest to someone with a different (or nonexistent) belief system.

Every book is based on a belief system of the author.

I think the viewer ought to be smart enough to figure that out on their own. If the writer finds value in it, the ideology of it may not matter.

Either the advice is accurate, in which case the religious roots shouldn't matter, or it isn't - in which case the religious roots still shouldn't matter.

I thought the book was one of the better ones I've read on the topic, so I recommended it. It is not a spiritual book.

I likewise would recommend reading "Islamic Patterns: An analytical and cosmological approach" when approaching geometry.

Either the book is good or not in getting you to understand something you don't currently understand. I trust the reader to be able to make their own judgements, especially in this case where you can read the book for the opposite gender to see if they are full of bullshit.

I don't necessarily disagree, but:

>This article seem to be written by an ideologically inclined woman.

If you are calling out someone as being ideological and then recommending books that are based in a religious ideology, it seems relevant to make note of it.

That is a euphemism I used because I think anyone reading the article can infer what I meant and I wanted the focus to be on productive resources for people to learn how to think adaptively instead of what to think about these issues.

In my opinion learning how to be adaptive in personal relationships and not pushing narratives onto the other is the most productive approach.

This is why I don’t think the two are similar in nature, although I think it’s great you brought it up so that everyone can judge for themselves with as much info as possible upfront.

Huh, neat. I had no idea there was a name for "islamic patterns", but they look like exactly what I expected.

People have been making this sort of stuff since way before LSD was invented, but I can't help notice how incredibly similar the patterns are to psychedelic hallucinations. To see them described as "sacred geometries" makes a lot of sense for reasons I can't quite explain.

Yes, it’s very fun. Studying this is the rabbit hole of rabbit holes.

I recommend the podcast The Portal by Eric Weinstein if you want the idea equivalent of this stuff.

In case anyone else is interested: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nM9f0W2KD5s

I typically listen to it on Apple podcasts https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-portal/id146999956... or Spotify where he posts the episode earlier https://open.spotify.com/show/3qv8BS1HzrgKpDnXSlYWWL?si=cUA0...

This is a good example of an association fallacy.

I'm not saying this because the author of the books is Christian. I am saying this because they are explicitly relationship advice guidelines from a Christian religious perspective.

Most religions have ideas about relationships that are not informed by anything secular, and Christianity certainly does.

Opening a preview of the book I was quickly able to find lines like these:

"If we are willing to be molded by His hands, the Lord will shower us, our men, and our relationships with abundance. That is the way He works. He made us for each other. He is the Author of love"

"I feel like the Lord has blessed my desire to serve my husband and our marriage by giving me a permanent internal motivation to have a healthy "temple." And I know He will do the same for you"

So no, this is not the association fallacy. This is asking people to disclaim when the advice they are giving has a significant religious component.

You are right the authors are clear on being Christian and that they are part of western tradition. And for disclosure my fiancé is Hindu and I am a Christian so other more unusual mixes can also learn from each other.

It seemed like a pretty factual account, to me. What ideology do you think it reflects?

> men are not imperfect women that would be improved if we adopted the other genders mannerisms.

Divulging one's emotional state is not a "[female] mannerism". It is a basic, androgynous function of all social beings. It's endlessly frustrating to have my faculties gendered away from me.

But it’s a little bit different. Women tend to pick up on subtleties during conversation, which can immediately change their emotional state. I’d argue women are more emotionally labile. And often they will not divulge their true emotional state, IME. Men tend to be more direct.

I am not saying so either, because only a fool would claim men don’t have emotions and don’t need to be seen. What I am saying is that seeing and learning how to be seen is hard, and approaching others and oneself as a narrative is directly unhelpful towards that goal.

I suggest reading the book if you are interested in the topic because it’s not saying what you think it says and will help you utilize your faculties more adaptively.

In the worst case you think it’s bull.

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