Thank you! It was absurdly much pain, esp. considering it started at age 9. It is not a place where I wish anybody, and I can't imagine I will ever suffer anything comparable. But good news: I decided to live (religion played and plays a role, with interesting implications on "Good God vs Suffering"), at 18, I felt like I have a fresh start, at 23 I got therapy, now at my mid-twenties I am able to deal with my episodes well, stopping most of them before they begin (comes down to stress management).

It was hell. But I enjoy my life now, and I learned many lessons in that time. My past is part of me and I can use even my past for good. I try to be a role model for the people that deal with depression around me (and maybe later academia). There is very good news for people with depression: Once one decides to get help, there is a lot of well-researched therapy (& medications if needed) around. Chances of recovery and depression management are high. And it is a field where great progress is made.

Thank you for you wishes! I can only encourage anyone with depression and similar problems to seek help - it does not bother the therapists and can improve life in ways not imaginable!