So don't lose sight of the basics, like ensuring secure attachment.
It's about nurturing empathy and socializing behaviour. There's also some materials on how to counter natural anxiety (new foods/new people/new experiences) by forcing controlled exposure.
From my own experience having a child with my wife (an engineer as well) reading up on all the materials. Having and maintaining a trust-bond with your child is the most important, especially when you realize there is lots of bad advice out there related to baby sleep.
Essentially, the first 6 months your baby is too "stupid" to cry for nothing but basic needs like:
1/ too warm
2/ too cold
3/ hungry
4/ thirsty
5/ tired (need sleep)
6/ oversensitive (too much light/noise)
7/ wet diapers
8/ pain (sickness/teething/diaper rash)
Afterwards she/he can start to get into habits like waking up for some breastmilk while it's possible to go without. But babies are pretty flexible and can adopt a new routine within 3 days of enforcing that routine.
It's helpful as it shortens the elimination process you'd have to run to figure out which one of the basic needs are in play when she's crying
It tackles the common questions involving infants and toddlers through analysis of research in those areas.
Not exactly evidence based, but “Be Prepared” is a whimsical and helpful parenting aid for the first year that I enjoyed.
The American Association of Pediatrics and the CDC both have parenting sites which I have used over the years, but I’m honestly not sure how evidence based they are.
What I have realized in the past 14 months is that, at least during this first year, every problem you'll encounter (which there is a LOT) is going to be about physical things, not "how to raise your children", and boy were we vastly under-prepared. There's your usual hungry/too warm/too cold/wet diaper stuff. Then there's stuff that comes up like diaper rash, eczema, constipation / digestive system development, colic, teething pain... and a long list of more things that could happen but I don't know about because it didn't happen to our baby but just as likely to happen to any other baby.
My advice would be, read more about those. You can worry about how to raise your children later. My advice to friends who have had babies after us is that, you usually see the cute baby pictures on FB and read articles about how to raise your children; but what no one tells you is that 95% of your life in those first months is about feeding your baby, changing diapers, trying (and failing) to put baby to sleep, washing bottles (if bottle fed). But then again, what do I know, I have a 14-month-old, so maybe I'm wrong and I'll bang my head on the wall when she's 7 years old. :)
As a recently new father myself I've found it incredibly valuable. There's so much noise out there and it's great to have a solid starting point which you can then branch out from if you need to.
I got 21 months old and I read/skimmed through pretty much everything popular and did almost everything by books. Sometimes, I followed advices in the books and got different results, it made me feel a bit of failure. Of course, I understand that every child is different and parenting science is in infancy right now. But at some subconscious level, maybe I thought parenting is like programming and one can easily control output with their code.
So be careful putting too much faith in these book even if they are evidence-based. At same time, I am surprised to see so many people recommending against reading up on parenting. Sure you will learn a lot of things from your parents and some of things that you will read in books might be common sense, but there will many new things you will learn. And some of common sense ideas are not even correct.
These books/blogs helped me being better father & husband, and also helped me deal with a lot of stress. "Let them Eat Dirt" helped me relax about being dirty.
"Brain Rules for Babies" helped me relax about not trying to teach my son all the time.
"What to Expect First Year" had a lot of useful tips. I didn't know that one should not microwave in plastic containers. And definitely don't microwave milk.
Parenting is hard.
My advice is to pay attention to your child, ensure they know that they're loved, imbue them with a love of learning and teach them to be resilient.
The details are for you and your child to figure out but in my view reading together is key to a lot of good.
My wife read a book by Ferber and it changed everything. I met a lot of people who said they tried Ferber and it didn't work, but none who actually read the book and did what it said.
The sooner you can get the baby sleeping through the night, the better you will be.
Also, be careful around 6 month age with new foods. There are way too many food allergies these days. I was just in the ER last night for a food related allergy.
Our doctor said to introduce new foods one at a time and wait for a few days just to make sure you know what caused a problem if there is one.
This is something I've been borrning about a lot, because my wife has a very serious sesame allergy.
But what's confusing is that some allergies might be prevented with exposure, and some seem to be caused by it. Either way, caution is useful, of course.
I don't have much to add at the moment, except to expect a constant barrage of (often unsolicited) advice from well-meaning family and friends. I'm learning to take everything with a grain of salt and approach new advice with an experimental mindset.
You just need to gather evidence from your own kid (n=1) by being attentive, responsive and malleable.
- Everybody will tell you what to do.
- Even more, they believe they are right everytime.
- You'll spend a lot of time in ER (or something like that) because you don't know what's going on and how to troubleshoot a baby. When in doubt, go ASAP or you'll end going back home at 5am.
- You'll be tired of doctors asking you if it is your first son. Fact is when the second one has fever, you give him/her medicine _and_ pospone.
- If you're wondering if you'll be able to do it well, you will (that's a symptom of someone who cares).
It is _very_ important that the mother has enough rest, at least the first 3-4 months. Some people talk about post-labor depression: it is not depression, just the mother is more exhausted than she has ever been in her life.
"How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen, and How to Listen So Your Kids Will Talk" is also good.
"Parenting From The Inside Out" is a gut punch about getting your own psychological problems addressed first.
I'll also say that prioritizing sleep (as best as you can), proper diet, exercise, and healthy boundaries between work/home are sometimes so much more important than any book you could be reading.
So take advice (evidence based, if available). But if it's not working with your child, then it's not. (Your kid will almost certainly differ from the "best advice" on something.) When that happens, try something else, no matter how "expert" or "evidence-based" the recommendation was.
1) https://www.amazon.com/Baby-Whisperer-Solves-Your-Problems/d...
Good sleep habits should be the #1 priority with a newborn (to the extent you can do anything about it).
2) Peaceful Parents Happy Kids https://www.ahaparenting.com
When kids get older (toddler and up) this book is very evidence based, and is very helpful for dealing with relationship conflicts.
It challenges the status-quo but I really enjoy his perspective.
The books aren't really about dealing with very small babies , but you might enjoy his teachings.
There's a DVD (about 2 hour long) "Unconditional Parenting" which is a great summary of the book with the same name.
Best of luck in that adventure!
https://www.amazon.com/Scientific-Secrets-Raising-Kids-Thriv...
It has great chapters on sleep, race, praise and most interesting of all, how the ways in which our efforts to become perfect parents can backfire.
Along these lines, I thought this book was interesting: The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children
A lot of anecdotal stuff and strange testing kinda stuff.
There's SO MUCH NOISE when it comes to parenting information.
The best advice I have is to just pay attention to your child and figure out what works for them the best you can. Every kid is really different.
You yourself should go to therapy to better understand yourself. A lot of people parent as a reflection of their adult needs and their childhood experiences. And congratulations!
In your place, now I would work to have community that feels familiar. Maybe you are lucky and you have your close-family living nearby and you have good relationship and good boundaries, that is a real asset.
We didn't. Having friends with small children saved me.
The TLDR is, relax: your parenting doesn't matter as much as you probably think.
You should try common sense.