Talk to People on the Telephone
theatlantic.com
theatlantic.com
I took the hint. Think about that... a 77-year old was lecturing me to use the newer fangled texting technology.
In addition to the convenience of multitasking, the issue is that robocalls have made everyone wary of answering their phones.
ETA: forgot to add some color context. My personal rule is to never call anybody and only text. I only made an exception for the 77-year friend because I thought she was "old school" and would prefer a real phone call. I was proven wrong. I still chuckle about not seeing how pervasive the norms can change.
I keep in touch with a handful of elderly relatives and friends via a phone call a few times a year.
If they were to tell me to text them or hit them up on Facebook instead and phone is simply unacceptable to them (unlikely and has never happened), then that's their choice and I respect it completely, and it certainly will be the end of our communication if they insist on that since I don't do Facebook and I don't text.
Snail mailed letters... I can and do do these for those who don't want phone calls.
By default, phone calls (and face-to-face conversations) are synchronous. You call someone, they have to stop what they're doing and have a conversation in real-time. They also can't judge the importance until they're already interrupted and have started the conversation anyway.
Text messages, email, chat and even voicemail are asynchronous. You send a message, the person can respond when able, and likewise. They can also see the initial query, and this can help them decide whether to respond immediately or later.
Async communication has the benefit of being able to work synchronously, if you want, but it doesn't have to. You might annoy people by not responding fast enough, but not in the same way that you would if you were to just put down the phone and walk away for a few minutes/hours.
I think the real problem is misuse of async vs synchronous styles of communication, and knowing when to switch between them.
I personally prefer async communication by default, but if we're going to do near-real-time async anyway, I'd rather have a 5 minute phone call than spend half an hour texting back and forth. I hate unexpected phone calls (and in fact, pretty much don't answer my phone), but I have absolutely no issue with a scheduled call -- that that is usually arranged asynchronously.
For in-depth technical exchanges, where conveying the complete picture is necessary before someone makes a return assessment, async provides better results.
But most importantly they differ in how the mind utilizes them.
I mean I fully agree with your assessment of async vs sync but conversely I'm less connected to people than I was before. I used to call and chat with friends several times a day. Now almost never.
Another way to look at it, maybe at some point some new tech will come out so thet we don't even talk to people in the same house/building/office. I mean why talk to my sister/mom/dad/wife/son/daughter, they might be in the middle of a thought. I should choose some async method and just never talk to another human directly.
Of course that's ridiculous but if you had told me in 1995 that I'd talk less than a few hours a year on a phone because everyone just messages each other I'd have thought you were describing a dystpoia. Who's to say some new tech won't take it even further.
This has helped me feel more connected to the people who I don't see in person frequently in a way that feels more "real" than texts or emails.
You basically just have to make time for it. I call people when I'm walking the dog and when I'm commuting.
There are other situations when I'm frustrated with texting and would prefer a phone call. One example is when my girlfriend is out and she'll text me something like, "Hey, I decided to stop for coffee on the way home. Do you want something?" This can go a number of ways. First, I won't see the text at all, and she'll come home and say, "Well, I tried to text you!" Then I'll look at my phone and it'll say something like, "Anything? I'm the next one in line. Let me know ASAP." The second way this can go is a back and forth. They don't have that option. Anything else you want? Yeah, they're all out of that.
Any situation where you need to know something right away, like the right kinds of nuts and bolts to grab from a hardware store or if your friends are making a food run, etc. don't text.
JUST. CALL. ME.
Remember when friends and family visited each other unannounced? Why did that used to be welcomed[1], but today it's not?
A) It is effectively painless to instantly check with me whether or not I am free at any hour of any day with smartphones, so not doing so becomes less understandable
B) I am in touch with many many more people over the internet even in my local area than I could ever hope to hang out with (or want to, as somewhat of an introvert workaholic)
I like to be intentional and plan out my social activities with a calendar, ideally a few days in advance, but I also don't mind meeting up on short notice. But any amount of notice is necessary to even make sure I am home, much less wanting to be social.
I actually feel smartphones have made me more active socially because instead of sitting around , we can plan things the day before while waiting for the bus, walking, etc.
I remember when it was considered rude, yes. I don't know where that guy grew up, but Mom's in the middle of making supper, Dad's in the garage, I'm working on homework, and we're just supposed to drop everything because you can't pick up a phone first? No, unlike the video, when I'm in my underwear with unkempt hair, covered in Cheetos dust from a CoD marathon, I am not jumping for joy if the doorbell rings.
Before mobile phones, exceptions were made. "Hey, I live two towns over, but was in the neighborhood unexpectedly...I hope now is not a bad time." But one made note of the fact that it is an unannounced visit.
I think there is value in a higher level interaction sometimes instead of texting, but videochat seems to be the far superior option?
"I abruptly asked one morning to stop messaging me about story ideas on our office’s chat platform, Slack. Instead, I said, let’s talk the ideas out over the phone."
Maybe people remember things a lot better than I do, but text based logs are super helpful. I also think writing often is a better medium to go over thoughts in a coherent way (I find people that disagree with this usually have trouble typing which makes it a lot harder).
OTOH something like story ideas sounds like the kind of thing that would benefit from voice. Situations where things aren't already spelled out nicely, where rapid feedback and iteration are valuable.
Skype/Facetime/videocall them.
* insert a long article about the importance of face-to-face communication *
Seriously, though, every technology has a time and a place.
It's a sliding scale that goes like this: video calls, voice calls, IM/texts, group/forum posts, emails.
One one end you get synchronous communication which has the full attention of both parties. On the other - go at your own pace asynchronous information transfer.
I love calling my grandparents on Skype. But I need to be alone in a room for that to work. (Screens and speakers still suck outdoor).
I rarely call my parents on Skype, because my mom doesn't like looking bad on camera, and she just wants to chill after work sans make up and what not. So I call her on the phone. But I know her schedule, and I know that I won't be taking here away from something - and that she'll be happy to give me full attention.
IM and texts are great when you need to get some information across, but you don't want to take the other party away from whatever setting they are in.
While IM/texts work great to talk to many people at once, there is still a sense of immediacy to the conversation. If you want to organize an event, the relevant information will get lost in flurry of messages after a day or two. FB groups / events, and similar, work better for that: communicating in groups, with a latency that spans days.
Finally, emails work best when you want to take time to compose a message or a response (sometimes, days), and be able to go back to it a long time afterwards. I have long email threads with some of my friends, months passing between responses sometimes.
And obviously, some methods work better than others depending on whether the other party is next door or 7000 miles away, whether they speak your language fluently, etc.
A benefit that many people don't seem to recognize as if total continuous surveillance and a permanent record is always preferable.
ADDED (from the same article):
> "There’s no record of it (unless your conversation partner is secretly recording it, in which case you have deeper problems)."
Most inbound phone calls are telemarketing now, anyway. When I answer my phone, and it's an unknown number, I say nothing and wait. If it's a human, they'll eventually say something. Autodial systems will time out after 5 seconds without something that sounds vaguely like "Hello".
I was//am an early adopter for Ooma. I still have one and I use it, albeit the "2.0" hardware version now.
Neither I or the other person on the line have experienced voice quality issues. My ISP is Comcast. I have been on hours-long conversations during otherwise high-usage internet usages. The other people have been on landlines, Magic Jack, cell phones over "your favourite carrier".
I don't do any special QOS router//modem configurations other than how I physically wire the hardware together.
I am curious as to what situations others are involved in so much that they are experiencing voice quality issues. Skype? Smart phone over wireless? Dialpad from 2001?
We have Slack, etc - but hearing a regular voice attached to someone really does program the brain different, at least it feels that way to me.
Text doesn't convey as much information and the synchronous aspect makes it much more interesting.
We're a Mumble crew though but that's down to personal preference more than anything else.
It's been great just talking to people. At first it seems slower, but there's actually so much more information transfer by voice (or in person). Who knew? ;)
Perhaps someone could start a business by archiving phone calls in text form and making them searchable.
That would keep things async but would allow me to read people’s expressions and their tone of voice.
Or just sending videos via SMS instead of text.
Some people don't even check their voicemail these days because their phone has a scary number next to the icon, and they don't want to listen to all of it.
I just kinda accept it, but maybe I shouldn't ...
I have always (well, post-teenage years) hated talking on the phone. Before cellphones, though, there was no other option. When the ability to communicate with people while escaping the tyranny of phone calls came around, it was a serious and dramatic improvement.
> Smartphones feel terrible to hold to your ear for more than a few minutes, but they make up for poor ergonomic design with one key feature: speakerphone.
Especially not this. When I'm talking to someone on the phone, if they're using a speakerphone the whole experience is an order of magnitude worse.
We did it with boomers, so why not millennials?