I think practice with public speaking is the best way to improve. Look for meetups or toastmasters near you.
The core skill is guessing what your audience cares about. Once you master concision, you can play with dramatic structures that hint at the point, but hide it until the right moment, but first you need to figure out what people want to hear and get right to it.
One problem I can see in your statement is that you need to recognize the language people usually use when they are saying what you are trying to say. When you say "VR simulations for First Responders, focused on low-cost for high training value", you are missing that 'value' in marketing-speak already means low cost.
If patio11 were here, he would probably say not to market your product as low-cost in the first place. While it's true that nobody likes to spend money, in marketing, the goal is to provide something people do want rather than to tell them you can help them avoid something they don't want. Practice taking off your engineering hat and putting on your marketing hat. They are different roles with different languages and values. When you put down Powerpoint and marketing speak, it seems like you haven't spent enough time trying to understand sales people and what they do. Don't underestimate the value of marketing.
When you have your marketing hat on, your goal should be to figure out what your customers want and tell them that you have it.