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Comment by baalimago | Hacker News Reader

Apart from the chronic daily suicidal thoughts, sure.

Ironically enough, always choosing the future-safe choice of education, jobs, friends and so forth resulted into me not really wanting to have a future at all. My new strategy of finding relationships which guilt me into staying alive seems to be working out though. Good times.

Longing for that plane crash or random heart attack I couldn't prevent. Of course I work out, don't do drugs (unless socially) and stay healthy enough to mitigate any such thing though. I can't be known to be a quitter, then they win.

Maybe it'll get better. Considering my age, chances are this is just a phase. If nothing else I'll probably be able to write a very cynical book. Not that I really care for anyone who would read it. Humanity is a cancer.

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I'm so sorry. I'd offer a hug if possible.

1. I agree - living organisms are inherently cancer. Especially humans. However, I have come to accept without pain we cannot appreciate pleasure.

2. I have a great job, wife, kids, etc. but still feel depression and have suicidal thoughts. Do not feel guilty for them. Honestly, I might have killed myself if I didn't have children.

I also look at the world negatively. That's what I'm trying to change. Ignorance is bliss. If anything, work towards adding a rose-tint to the way you see the world. If we do that, and choose to make positive contributions, eventually we will outnumber the sour a$$-holes destroying us.

You can chat with suicide prevention online: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineCha...

Thank you.

I've been through enough psychiatric care to know that the main prioritization is the welfare invested into me, not actually who "I" am. They don't care, and I get that. I've tried caring for those who are ill, it takes a heavy toll.

Always choosing to be positive is a main reason I am in the state I'm in. I was always smart enough to rationalize away any negative emotions and actions, which is why I'm not an addict, why I have a steady job and why everyone who meets me gets greeted with the biggest smile and great humor. But logic can't treat melancholia. It's highly illogical. And filtering negative emotions does not automatically leave positives, which I found out about when it was already far too late. Neutralization had become a habit. I wish I crashed in my teens and got help when it would be helpful.

But there's nothing i hate more than my own death, so I try to make the best out of it. I might not win all, but I'll avoid losing the game of life as long as I can.

I think it's fine to feel the way you do.

It's impossible not to have negative emotions sometimes, unhealthy even if you don't get the lows. I try not to let it ruin the highs for me, the good moments only happen so often.

I'm sorry you didn't feel as if psychiatric care is not invested in who "you" are. It takes not only an observant person, but also somebody who is compatible in a psychological and conversational way.

In a round about way, I've found the best cure for the desire to be understood, is to actually take time and understand others.

It is rare if not impossible to find somebody who 'fully understands me', but sometimes you can find that you and somebody else understands another in small but meaningful ways.

You’re depressed big time. Get professional help if possible. Rooting for you!

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