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Comment by open-paren | Hacker News Reader

I'm kinda struggling right now. I'm a few months from graduating with a BS in CS, and I'm scared. Not scared about getting a job (I've had a few internships and have a solid handshake return offer from more than one of them) or “the next step” (kids? house?) independently, just the combination of all those things. How do I find a job that's is within a same commute distance, but also affordable? How do I find a job that will help me afford those “next steps?” How on Earth do people afford a house (I mean, $300,000 is more than 3× my expected salary, and where I am, that barely gets you a townhome)? The uncertainty of the future has really knocked my level of “okay-ness” down to like a two for the past few weeks.

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I'm 3 years into my career and I can tell you I felt exactly the same way.

A few things:

- You don't need to buy a house outright, get a loan. The only big cost is just the downpayment (5-20% of the price)

- There are no shortage of jobs out there for you as a new grad, but there are very few good jobs (at least where I live, YMMV). It's ok to work somewhere you don't like that pays the bills for a year and then find something better once you have more experience

- Another point on housing: rent as long as you can because mobility is a blessing. You may find a fantastic job across the country, and if you have a house it will make it that much harder to leave. Imo, stability is for older people who know they're going to work for a single company the rest of their careers.

A lot of this is opinion, so take it how you will.

> - The only big cost is just the downpayment (5-20% of the price)

Also closing costs can be large. I'd long thought the big up-front cost was the down payment plus maybe $3k of inspections and closing costs, so I was surprised when I bought my place and had nearly $30k in closing costs, transfer taxes, etc up front.

You're young and this too shall pass. It's normal to feel anxious about things we are also excited for. It's a way your brain is planning for your life and trying to optimize it and, as a programmer, you probably have a brain that's pretty good at that.

If the thoughts are getting in the way of your life, for example causing you to stay curled up on the floor for more than five minutes, it's okay to redirect them. You're not going to "miss out" on your life's best decision by only allowing yourself five minutes to obsess on the future per 6-hour timebox. So, when they occur, accept the thoughts for a while, if something emerges that you think is a good plan write it down, and then after the five minutes are up get up and call a friend, do a physical activity, or put on a song you like.

If the same thoughts recur too often you can allow yourself to ditch them; tell yourself "I always think [that I can't afford a house] and it never leads to a good place!" and then make a conscious effort to think about how much you'd like to renovate a house or people in your life who have mortgages and still go on international vacations.

Above all, everyone I know who's over 25 has been there, and we're still alive. You'll be us someday.

> How on Earth do people afford a house (I mean, $300,000 is more than 3× my expected salary, and where I am, that barely gets you a townhome)?

Most young people in the world can't afford a house. They rent apartments or stay with parents until their jobs pay more and they accumulate savings in the meantime - or, alternatively, they shacked themselves with decades of debt and get a mortgage (not everyone is mentally built for that though). Also, many people never decide to buy a house, and just get a (cheaper) flat instead.

> they shacked themselves with decades of debt and get a mortgage

A mortgage is just renting a place from the bank at the market price of when you bought the house + some enforced savings. It's hardly a mill stone compared to renting for the same number of years.

An apartment with roommates can be a real joy if it’s in the right time of your life. Don’t rush the seasons of your life. Why worry about kids when you’re not even in a serious relationship? It’s life, not the cursus honorum.

If the houses are 300k in their area, I'm guessing getting roommates is entirely optional. For me the first time living alone in a studio apt was bliss.

A lot of people live their lives without having kids or buying a house. Make sure that anything you do is something you want to do independent of the desires of those around you that are trying to influence you into being the person they want you to be for their own perceptive advantage. Parents are often really bad at that after ~20 years and a whole houses worth of investment in you.

Its perfectly reasonable to grab your degree, walk off the stage, and take a backpack and rummage the wilderness for a few months. The rest of the world can wait, you always have time at that age, and there is no race - you just have to look at those twenty years your elder to see where trying to run the predetermined path gets most people. And the answer is usually hard drug use, depression, and stress related illness for the rest of their lives, maybe with some investors profiting quite lavishly off of years taken from them during their inspired years.

You're gonna be ok. You're starting your career at an awesome time and place for your skillset, and you will only continue to grow in value if you put in a little extra effort to keep learning and keep your skills sharp. Some thoughts:

- Set up a budget, and get into the habit of sticking with it. I just do the bare minimum, writing down (or putting into a spreadsheet) everything I buy with very basic categories: need, want, food. Make sure you give yourself enough 'wants' money, or it'll be harder to stick to. Put the rest in savings/investments, and then don't worry about the next step of house or other big purchases, because you'll be on track to afford them. - Don't worry too much about the specifics of your commute/living space/job right now. Choose whichever one you feel is the best for now, and keep in mind you're not stuck there. You can always leave for a better situation after a year or two. - Caveat to the last point: most employers will work with you in the hiring process. Worried about the commute? Tell them that, ask for a bus pass or an extra day of from-home work. Feel like you should be making a bit more than the offer? Say that. Don't be afraid to negotiate a little bit because doing that will get you much farther ahead in the long run.

Just some unorganized thoughts, but you've got this!

Moneywise, if you expect to make roughly $100k and can buy a townhouse for roughly $300k in your area, that's a pretty good financial position to be in.

just as an fyi, most people take mortgages for anywhere between 2 and like, 5 times their annual salary. I think my mortgage right now is about 3x my salary. So dont worry about that too much. I used to stress out a lot about ANY debt, but i've learned to cope with it a bit better. You're super early in your career (even pre-career), so you've got plenty of time to work these things out. I'm confident you'll do just fine with all of those things. commute can be tricky, but if youre in an area where housing is that expensive, i'm sure the public transportation is decent quality. Buses and trains work great for morning/afternoon work commute.

Pick another area to live. For example, where I'm at there are plenty of tech jobs (many in the financial, insurance, or older industry sectors, not many web companies though) which can pay 80k to 130k once you've established yourself after a few years. And a lot of houses that need a bit of refurbishment available really cheap (60 - 100k), or houses that are move-in ready but a bit older for 150 - 200k.

Nothing wrong with renting. Often times it can be financially better than owning.

Especially when you're still young and getting started. Getting a better offer in a different city/country for a renter is workable but if you own a house you've just started paying off with a few unfinished projects, you're pretty stuck there.

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