From FOMO to JOMO: the joy of missing out

I believe it’s easy to be cured of this disease by realizing what you want in life and realizing your limitations.

I care (like probably most other people) about having a reasonably good career, being reasonably financial stable, taking reasonably care of my health, my spiritual life, working on self-education and becoming more informed over time, practicing a small number of hobbies, socializing some, cleaning my house, and contributing some to the communities I find myself in. I’m not in a relationship but that would be very important if I were.

If something doesn’t fall into those, I don’t really care. I’m sure I’ll miss new and improved ways to do those marginally better, but I don’t really care. I basically go out of my way to avoid things that don’t contribute to those unless it’s socially essential (going out with friends or something).

Now there are still infinite variations and ways those all relate to each other and pitfalls to avoid. Watching news tv or reading it on the Internet has many cons. Not keeping has its own (out of touch, susceptible to believe nonsense, etc.). So I get a print newspaper and read it sometimes. Reading insane stuff on the internet may make you spend a lot of time incorrectly doing things that you think will help your health. So don’t do that. Etc (maybe some of its useful but certainly a lot isn’t)

Also have some humility (easier said than done). People are just going to be smarter and more successful than me and if I’m successful I’ll certainly meet them. No secret or new technique or extreme work routine will make something impossible happen to overcome that.

I thought this was going to be about the warm glow you get when you realise that the hot new framework/library/methodology you haven't got round to investigating yet, is already on the way out.

I get a positive JOMO feeling when someone shares a media scare story and expects me to join them in pearl-clutching.

I only loosely follow mainstream infotainment/moral panics, and mostly for entertainment value. So I totally enjoy missing out on the “let’s all be scared together” vibe.

NB: This sharing would be f2f, since I have yet another JOMO: not being on FB/insta/etc.

I'm using a flip phone right now with a different number and it's been great for a number of reasons.

- I am focused on creating instead of consuming every day. Instead of critiquing tech companies and their ethics, I am building one aligned with my moral compass. Instead of captions, I am writing posts for my blog on a number of subjects/interests.

- Clients have to reach me through email instead of wasting my time on the phone. A lot of them do not respect my time like I respect theirs. Having everything in writing makes it easier to manage projects.

- I've been traveling a lot over the last year and barely posted about it, this allowed me to just enjoy the places and focus on improving as a photographer using my Sony a6000. I don't care about posting the perfect caption anymore, I am absorbing the wisdom of the ages by experiencing what the great minds of the past did directly instead of through middle men.

- I am thoroughly done with 'influencers' who blast me with the same couple messages in different words every week. They are not influencing, they are preying on the attention of indecisive and unfocused people. Anyone who needs a Gary V-type to yell at them to get started isn't that serious to begin with if you ask me. Anyone who is traveling the world to take selfies while meditating is more narcissistic than 'woke'. Don't post about it, be about it. I've recently found out that Jay Shetty steals a lot of his content and is most likely lying about 'being a monk'. This irks me because he is making a mockery of actual monks I know.

- I've been spending more time with my 4-year-old nephew who is obsessed with trains and LEGOs. We have conversations now and I teach him as much as I can about the basics of math, engineering, design, writing, math.

- When in the car, I talk to the person I am with instead of looking at my phone. When at a meal, I am talking to the people I am with and not staring at my phone. When I am waiting in line, I am counting my blessing to have freedom and opportunity instead of scrolling and swiping.

- I have to actually know how to navigate cities now and this has been a good practice because cities are fascinating things. I stumble into all kinds of interesting things by 'accident' many times too.

The poem at the bottom is by Leunig, a sydney morning herald comic and one of my favourites for years. My mum sent me this (the cartoon accompanying the poem) a couple of years ago when he published it - hope you enjoy it too

https://www.leunig.com.au/works/recent-cartoons/769-jomo

There can be career FOMO too, spending 20 years developing .NET applications, many of which will now be defunct isn't as fancy sounding as someone who has worked at FAANG, invented GMail then done a startup and then moved on to quantum cryptography.

You know the little bios people do to boast they are a "TED Speaker, this that the other". I dream of making a blog that just says "Proudly lazy person, slightly above median IQ but works just for the money, enjoys lying on a towel in the sun on the patio. You won't catch me running through a marathon finish line".

That would be for satire of course, but there is a grain of truth to it, in that so many people online look like super achievers.

I jokingly use the term FOMO when a close friend of mine is doing something that I could have participated in. Like the author, I also live in a city where are so many things happening all the time that there will always be another cool thing to do very soon. Additionally, I've lived here close to 20 years of my adult life so i've done a million things already so I actually don't mind missing out on things because i've done similar things before. So maybe FOMO reduces with age and experience?

Also, I heard the term JOMO for the first time in a TV show last night and I thought it was a joke that the show made up. Was surprised to see the term mentioned on HN this very next morning.

Good article

OP's post linked to an article that mentions elsevier. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S074756320...

I keep seeing that name, it's related to Mendeley, an app for reading journals on smartphones.

Unfortunately it's 10-20 bucks to get the paper.

> Loneliness, envy

It seems to be a common theme in FOMO. This paper also tries to tie envy + loneliness <-> fomo: https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/6a4f/4e27a55178bd1d9bd58744...

Surveys around this subject have weaknesses, this snippet from above sums up my feelings: "Another limitation derived from the self-reported nature of the questionnaires. Information reported by participants may have reflected socially desirable responses, rather than participants` true responses."

This is the big issue around this status / pride stuff. There's never going to be people admitting how they're sensitive about superficial things and there's this awkward silence to not break the fourth wall and talk about it. Lol

Why? Maybe because it's vulnerable self-disclosure and there wouldn't be reciprocity. If everybody went and said something like: "my primal fear is I won't be loved if I don't have status. I worry if I speak candidly about my feelings and attitudes, friends will abandon me. I feel I'm always caretaking to others and nobody cares about me. That's why I act out this way"

What I'm struggling with is the opposite of FOMO. It used to be, if you liked a particular type of music (e.g. New Wave in the 80's) you stood a chance of hearing a significant percentage of what was available out there.

With the advent of things like Youtube and Garage Band, MOST of a niche music type will be made by people, who won't be well compensated for it, and you'll never get the chance to hear it...because there are so many people making so much stuff.

At the end of the day people will do whatever makes them happy. Life is not black and white and it's different with every person, if you feel FOMO is a problem in your life change it otherwise keep it up if it makes you happy, I don't necessarily view it as a negative thing. Although I have never heard of these terms I am in my early 30s and I think JOMO has been my way of life since I can remember its what makes me happy. I'm not anti social but I haven't made new friends in a long time and spend little time on social media. The few close friends I have, I've known them for 15-20 years, right now I spend 80% of my free time alone indulging in my personal projects and activities I enjoy and 20% with those close friends and family and this balance has been working for me so far.

Since having been suspended from Twitter, I wholeheartedly agree with this article. I’ve found that my quality of life has been so much better, and I’m actually finding ample time to work on and finish side projects.

Personally, I’ve found that the biggest factor to my stress is obligation, and not having enough time for everything. Social media, trying to get a handle of everything that’s happening, and reading every interesting link is a bloody big obligation.

IMHO, time spent on social media vs your quality of life are inversely proportional.

For anybody looking the full forms of FOMO & JOMO, like me:

Fear Of Missing Out

Joys Of Missing Out

I tend to stay away from Instagram as I once read a study (too lazy to find the paper) that Instagram is more detrimental to mental health than other social networks and is generally to be avoided (partly this is because you are comparing other people's highlight reel to your boring drab life).

I use Facebook, albeit sparingly and only ever to make meaningful interactions with my family, and nothing else. I don't feverishly 'check in' to locations, don't engage in 'groups', don't 'like' a million-and-one things, or otherwise engage in the Facebook app in any meaningful way. It means Facebook can't build a dossier of my interests, although they do know my social graph, but then: I'm not a person of interest anyway. I am actually very forgettable.

For Twitter, I have a locked down account and only follow what I'm interested in. I don't actively seek to get more followers, and have literally nothing in my bio that is about me. I don't use my real name. My account is purely for discovery of positive news, and content that stimulates me intellectually.

I recently started to experiment with Neuro Linguistic Programming[0] and a big part of that is deciding what you pay attention to (especially online) and feeding your brain with content that enables you to grow as a person and not be bogged down with negative content that only appeals to your 'monkey brain'. I haven't gone to extremes by cutting out all social media, instead I just use it mindfully and by carefully choosing the types of content I consume.

[0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neuro-linguistic_programming

Apply this principle to flying and even people who embrace JOMO and profess to care about the environment go nuts and refuse to consider not flying.

There is huge FOMO at the root of flying. There's incredible joy and abundance without it that people refuse to sample, as if everyone before flying was miserable.

Good article, I would like to see some influential people in tech apply these principles instead of tweeting.

I have over time taken up the habit of saving interesting links to articles thinking that this repo will be the first place to look when i need something related to the topics which interest me. Investing. OOP. Nutrition. Books. Articles. Conferences. All the stuff that’s interesting but not immediately relevant to my life _right now_.

Sometimes it is useful. Other times, I’m just dealing with my FOMO. Haha. And I’m ok with that, because I find another joy when my interests match the zeitgeist.

But it strikes me the last time I really suffer from FOMO was attending Burning Man some years ago. And with that event having just concluded last weekend (again without my attendance), it was the first thing I thought about reading this article.

Well. There’s always _next year_. Haha

"Miss out" on stupid meaningless stuff, focus on your own initiatives/priorities/goals, get tons of stuff done, and become the thing lesser people are afraid of missing out on.

This subject of FOMO vs JOMO concern me since I moved to the big city. You’re right in the most of it. My conclusion when I’m thinking back is to have some base line (infrastructure) of things you like to do and things you don’t (I like art, music shows and tech talks about the future for example) - it gives you a better way to take a decision to attend or not to an event/meeting :) Moreover, limit your weekly go-out and meeting activities to save the balance.

Thank you :)

Saying yes to everything often leads to good experiences. I’d recommend it anyway. I like Instagram because it lets me see what everyone is doing and it lets you chat about it even though you’re not there. Sometimes they’ll FaceTime me while they’re there and we’ll chat for a bit and it’s a nice feeling of warm inclusion.

This article gives me FOMO on JOMO.

Less is more.

This resonated with me. Particularly during my university years. Friends would go out all the time. Mainly parties, get drunk, discos ...

"Do you wanna come Harry!?" "Err, I'm going to give this one a miss"(x300)

Then they'd leave and it was bliss. Peace and quiet. Just me. And whatever the hell I wanted to do.

I could never really put my emotion into thoughts. But the joy of missing out was pretty much it.

"Missing out" is now the status quo. And I'm not sure that's a good thing. Sometimes I feel like a should try more stuff, but do it on my own terms. I'm sure I'll get there.

Thanks for writing. I intend on checking out Svend's book.