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Wouldn't your wife apologising for being emotional be a sign that she feels a need to apologise for them? Wouldn't good emotional intelligence be towards making someone feel valid, and expressing themselves (even if they're "emotional"). After they are heard, then you can do whatever rational decisions you want.

Maybe I'm misunderstanding, but having someone else apologise for their emotions doesn't sound like an EQ win to me.

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Yes - I missed a lot of context with my wife's comment.

Usually, in any heated situation, I would get tense and cause the situation to escalate out of control. After cooling off, I would be apologizing to her for my behavior in the situation.

In our time together (over a decade now) - she never apologized to me for her behavior.

The fact she did twice recently feels like a shock to me because it's so unusual for me.

It's an EQ win in the sense that I didn't lose my cool as usual.

Hope that adds context.

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