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Comment by 40acres | Hacker News Reader

Personally, using apps diluted the spark of dating for me so I stopped using them. The most intense part of "mating" for me are the initial stages of attraction, trying to suss out whether or not the opposite party is attracted to you and reading the signs, that and flirting can generate a great high because there is such risk.

At the end of the day once the app sets you up you'll have to flirt anyway to generate attraction -- but if you've ever had a spontaneous flirtatious interaction with someone you're attracted to you know what I mean.

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I completely agree. Online dating completely removes that initial attraction aspect for me as well.

There’s just something meeting someone IRL and then discovering mutual attraction that doesn’t translate for me when meeting someone from a dating app

Indeed, lots of people also care about stories. Meeting online by algorithm does not make for a very good story.

As an introvert who grew up with crippling social anxiety, I have no idea what you're talking about.

Social skills can be improved, at least in many people. I learned slowly but eventually I mostly caught up.

Introversion is not a lack of social skills. Introversion is an inclination toward solitude. Social anxiety is its own thing and says nothing about social skills. Even great socializers often have social anxiety.

Fair enough but there's a positive correlation.

You're giving the scientific definition, not the way the term is commonly used.

Try meditation. If you get the hang of it, you can calm yourself down even in social situations which are now stressful.

>but if you've ever had a spontaneous flirtatious interaction with someone you're attracted to you know what I mean

The problem with spontaneous flirting is that you don’t know if it is welcome by the other party. With a dating app, you know that flirting is desired by both parties.

As I mentioned in another comment, the main solution is to start small, pay attention to feedback, and escalate if appropriate.

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