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Comment by DrAwdeOccarim | Hacker News Reader

I haven't noticed the "anything about a newborn/small child must be 100% positive" in my group of friends, especially my work colleagues. I've been pretty straight forward about how hard the whole thing has been, especially adding a second child to the mix before the first one was 2 yo. I wouldn't recommend having a second child to anyone unless they really, really wanted it. It's hard af. Logarithmically harder than one.

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Maybe the only constant is that every child is different. We had two close together, and it became a net positive about two years in, when they could keep each other occupied much of the time.

And they'll have a built-in best friend. We talk about our personal perspective, but what do you wish your parents did for you?

That's assuming things go well. My two older siblings are, uh, let's just say they're not very close and dealing with them growing up was an experience in and of itself.

I have a third child, and getting outnumbered was even harder still. But I do recommend getting the children as close together as possible, because the longer you wait between them, the more years the sleep deprivation lasts.

Agreed, but weirdly our experience was that three was easier than two. We truely had to let go of the idea that we could do everything the 'right way' and as a result became more relaxed and confident parents as a result.

Anecdotally our third child is the least anxious and most confident out of the three. We were clearer about the stuff that really didn't need sweating over - we had no choice!

We've three children as well and like you, our third is definitely the most outgoing and confident. She also acts like a "glue" for her older siblings, (boy and girl).

It actually gets easier the more children you have, not more difficult.

I can see the social media aspect of presenting the perfect child persona, but it is BS.

Going to three is exponentially harder. With two, one parent can usually manage both or worse each can manage one kid. Go to three and parents are outnumbered. And generally only two kids ever get along at one time, so there always the outlier. Even numbers are best it seems.

And moving to five children is another level. :) Parenting is what you do not a side project. Also the effects of parenting are more like keeping a good culture going and showing what are healthy ways of relating so that children can relate well to each other and enjoy being part of the family.

yeah, as a non-parent (ha!), my main exposure to parenting is my friends on social media. I don't talk to my parent friends about kid stuff much, because I don't care, and they don't care to tell yet another person.

I'm sure parent-to-parent IRL, people are a lot more negative (read:realistic) about their experiences.

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