> Everything I do in social interactions, in order to fit in, is a learned behavior that I didn't pick up until my university years.

You might be improperly socialized or have Aspergers, or you might be a sociopath (I don't mean this in a derogatory way, some people are just not capable of emotion, often due to past trauma), or you might have anxiety, or it might be ADHD.

My advice would be to try more drugs to try and get a better perspective of why you feel the things that you feel. If it's ADHD, Ritalin or Adderall will cause a positive change. If it's anxiety, Xanax/Klonopin/Ativan/Valium might help. If it's an empathy thing, there aren't many legal pharmaceuticals for that, but you could try weed or MDMA or a traditional psychedelic. IMO the relatively low risk of trying a few chemicals a few times is well worth the gain in perspective, so you have a better sense of what you're trying to change and what levers can be pulled.