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Comment by wastedhours | Hacker News Reader

> be there: work less, hangout more

I keep running across this sentiment, and although I don't have kids yet, is one I intend to take to heart.

"Quality time" is largely BS - making time for a piano recital is pointless and can barely make up for the time if you miss the fun and general bonding the rest of the time.

I remember the times sat eating dinner on the sofa in front the TV having a laugh with my parents more than the "hero" events like sports days or plays.

If you care about your kids and you're pretty stable (obviously, if you don't have money for clothes and food things will be different), just be there.

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Agreed. One suspects the concept of quality time came in with the rising incidence of divorce.

Where quality time implies some kind of performance or role, which is stressful, hanging out with one's children is wonderful. I find that the compensations more than make up for the difficulties.

I enjoy the company of people who are totally open and forgiving. I get the profound satisfaction of watching them learn. I re-experience and understand anew certain aspects of my own childhood.

Yes, there's work involved, but children like helping too, and can actually help significantly as they get older.

Yet society seems to have things the wrong way around. The zeitgeist has it that marriage and children are something to be put off until one is ready to 'settle down'. Children are an inconvenience and a financial burden which interfere with socialising and career advancement. For example:

https://www.reddit.com/r/science/comments/cs072c/having_kids...

Divorce rates in the US have been declining for decades. Unless you're referring to a different area or timeframe?

I think the phrase quality time emerged in the 1970s at which time the Sexual Revolution was well underway and divorce was sky-rocketing. It's really a euphemism for scarce parental time with children (e.g. a father's visitation period).

> Agreed. One suspects the concept of quality time came in with the rising incidence of divorce.

I'm old enough to confirm that the etymology of the phrase comes from the divorce generation.

Now my wife uses the phrase as a code for diaper change.

If "quality time" means having actual conversations, some of the best quality time I have with my son is driving to/from school or lessons and playing co-op video games.

I mean "quality time" as in the cop out from lots of parents whereby they ignore their children apart from "freeing up Saturday afternoon to spend quality time with the kids". As if they can schedule their bonding time like they would their fortnightly KPI meeting.

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