I have implemented two clients, a generalized libpurple transport, and spent significant time on a server in a professional environment for sale to real customers. IRC isn't a replacement for what it does, and yeah, the problems come from the problem domain, not the protocol. I'd know the difference. None of the "professional" protocols seem to be significantly simpler, because they can't be... the domain complexity forbids it. I spent much more time working on semantic issues than I ever did working on the raw XML, orders of magnitude difference. The XML was always the easy part, even if JSON would have been even easier. The trappings are irrelevant. I could transform the entire XMPP protocol stack into JSON in a week, with implementation in ejabberd and one of my clients. XML is a sideshow.
The problem is getting the standardized semantics. If XMPP taught me anything, it is that it doesn't matter how many specs you throw at a programmer, they're just going to bash on the program until it sort of works most of the time and release it. That's where your roster problems come from, it's where a not insignificant number of your transport problems come from too. (Though the transport protocol is one of the spottier bits of the protocol.) The core bits of XMPP are generally reasonably well specified and in my experience actually held up surprisingly well as I bent and spindled it a little bit. (Corporate customers don't "get" rosters, don't get that you can start with a blank roster and work your way up, so I added a module to build rosters based on grouping criteria specified by the user and driven by outside input. Well beyond the stock ejabberd shared rosters, but pretty custom to our environment. XMPP actually dealt with these semi-magical roster entries just fine, to my surprise.) Those specifications really matter and just sort of bashing some stuff out that's 90% correct most of the time isn't good enough when you're trying to communicate with so many different systems. XMPP actually managed to avoid a lot of problems that even the "professional" systems had, having learned from their experiences; AIM last I knew still had some encoding corner cases you wouldn't expect in a modern program, all of the protocols had major encoding growing pains, surprising versioning issues, all these little quirks inside them that you never noticed because you can paper over a lot when you control both the clients and the servers. Again, I know it's not perfect but in the space of "deployed IM protocols" it does not make a bad showing.
IRC clients are actually just as quirky, IRC just doesn't hang on to anywhere near as much state or you'd see it mangled, spindled, and mutilated too. (Also part of the reason it's not a replacement, real users want that state.) This is fine, too, I don't have a problem with IRC for what it is, but you can't just drop it in everywhere you see an XMPP server.
If you try to work IRC up to be a real, true XMPP replacement, you'll be complaining about how hard it sucks in no time. Too much suckage is in the problem space.