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Comment by DSMan195276 | Hacker News Reader

DSMan195276

As someone who went bald before I was 20 (Like you it sounds like), I'd say you're heavily generalizing. Sure, shaving your head worked for you and solved your problem, but that doesn't mean it is a solution that solves the problem for everybody, and claiming that it's not a "real" problem because you found a solution that works for you is a bit ridiculous.

It's easy to say I should just completely shave my head and ignore what others think of me, but for me that's not a solution that has worked - it would be great if it did and I could just will myself to stop being self-conscious, but that hasn't worked that well for me. And if a "cure" for baldness would fix my problem then that's useful to me and a solution to a real problem I have - and it is something that would certainly improve my current quality of life.

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Like you I began going bald before the age of 20. I was teased a bit in highschool but nothing that I let get to me enough to leave scars. I don’t know how old you are but until my late 20’s I’d wear a hat and preferred social scenes where it was appropriate. By the time I hit my mid 30’s I was more comfortable. Now in my 40’s it’s a non-issue. Meanwhile, friends of mine who began thinning in their 30’s are still fretting about it. I wonder if they’ll be comfortable by their the time they hit 50.

Reasons I chose to go with a shaved head:

My dad wore a toupee and nobody was allowed over after dad took it off (he’d take it off immediately after work, apparently they’re not very comfortable). My uncle tried every new cream/lotion that came on the market and was obsessed (he died of brain cancer at age 62 btw). My grandfather, was just bald. Of the three my grandfather was the most confident and comfortable in his on skin.

I’m not telling you to just get over it, it’s demoralizing when you’re young. I just hope that with time you’ll become more comfortable with yourself. My wife and previous girlfriends never had a problem with it as many women don’t. At this point she tells me what length I should keep it and I just go with that.

I wonder if the cancer was related to the creams and stuff he tried though.

Terrible way to go out. My mother died from glioblastomas. Completely random (as far as we know). She was a very healthy person and did not smoke or drink after her young 20s.

I would imagine it all depends on where you are in your romantic life. If you're 35 and happily married, I doubt you would fret way too much about balding.

But if you're 25 and right in the middle of your dating life, balding is a handicap

I wouldn’t cal it a handicap. I think a lot of it comes down to confidence. Women can tell when a guy is not confident in himself / his appearance and that’s a turn off.

Survey results show that this is exactly the case.

Here's a survey across three age groups of women. Around a third of women across age groups feel neutral about bald men. The youngest women (18-24) are generally unattracted by bald men (47%), while among the oldest women (35-44), 44% find baldness at least slightly attractive. The middle age-group had intermediate preferences.

So yes, if you are younger, baldness could presumably hurt your dating life, while older men are probably significantly less affected.

https://www.primandprep.com/do-women-like-bald-men/

Crikey, the part about your father and you sounds a bit dysfunctional :( Awfully sorry to read that.

As an almost-bald man myself (who shaves smooth twice a week; what a chore [0]), may I respectfully ask if you've considered treating the psychology of self-consciousness [1] rather than the hair loss?

[0] Seriously, can someone please invent a a once-and-for-all hair removal process that means I never have to shave again? While losing my hair was the "problem" initially, the real problem has turned out to be that the balding stopped. I wish it had continued to completion.

[1] Also, if you had say, implants, wouldn't it be possible that you'd still be self-conscious, but this time about whether the implants were detectable?

EDITED to add [1].

Shaving the head is zen :)

But you're right, it is a lot of work that it would be nice to be without.

Just imagine the work that haired people go through.. (sorry)

Shaving not for everyone. I clipper semi-regularly. Shaving tends to scar you up and some folk (including me) have major skin irritation that festers.

You can do waxing, a little painful but a lot less "Maintenance", also if you are sure you want to go the full Monty you can go laser hair removal (it's not totally permanent but it goes away for a long time).

Right; if I started going bald, I’d want a “cure” or treatment — I have a weirdly shaped head and it genuinely looks terrible with short cropped (or shaved) hair unfortunately! It doesn’t work for everyone, sadly.

Same - I genuinely despise everything that has to do with hair maintenance, but I fully shaved once and I looked terrible.

I don’t particularly care for baldness (my dating days are likely over), but shaving is just not a magic solution for everyone.

>"I fully shaved once and I looked terrible." //

So? Why is the aesthetics important to you? If it's functional and useful but looks ugly, then I consider it a mature and developed response to choose that nonetheless.

Your, and others, preference for appearance doesn't need to be weighed into your decision, unless you wish it too.

> Why is the aesthetics important to you?

Because I enjoy looking good, where looking good is defined by my own aesthetics. You are not the arbiter on what I get to spend my limited amount of "focus" credits on in life, and I find your insinuation that my caring about my appearance and style is "immature" a little offensive.

Your life is not my life. Pretty straightforward.

I think you've misunderstood. I don't care about what you look like. The point is _you_ have a choice what weight you give it, you can choose to care less or more about it (at some level).

The reason to answer the "so?" question is to understand it for yourself, your answer doesn't matter to me in the slightest.

> find your insinuation that my caring about my appearance and style is "immature" a little offensive. //

I don't think it's immature to care about one's appearance; I do think it takes a particular development of character - that usually comes from maturity - to feel a desire to conform one's appearance to a particular pattern but look beyond that, and learn to accept it.

Along with that I'd note that appearance is often all-consuming for teenagers, and less important for most people as they age (things like functionality and longevity, say, become higher priorities than the simple look of a thing).

All that said, I'm not sure why you're so hostile to my opinion: as you say your life is not mine. If you're content in that then that's showing just the same sort of developed, mature, thinking.

[TL;DR] So, I merely suggest you answer for yourself why "I enjoy looking good" and _consciously_ decide on the weighting that has in sartorial and other aesthetic decisions.

>[TL;DR] So, I merely suggest you answer for yourself why "I enjoy looking good" and _consciously_ decide on the weighting that has in sartorial and other aesthetic decisions.

Which, I have. It's the fact that your original comment has unneeded swipes at complete strangers maturity for expression their opinions and worries regarding what they find attractive in themselves that I have issues with. If you can't see why one could read your messages in that matter, then I'm not sure how else to explain it I'm afraid.

[TL;DR] Being bald looks gross on me. I don't like that, because I like looking nice. This isn't a sign of immaturity, as much as you keep repeating it as it that'll make it true.

>your original comment has unneeded swipes //

If you think I've claimed someone is immature then your reading comprehension or logical model is lacking (now you have something I actually said that you can feel offended about).

If my cup of tea isn't hot then you presumably assume it has ice in it.

people want to look attractive. you're not 'above it all' for discounting that

> So? Why is the aesthetics important to you? If it's functional and useful but looks ugly, then I consider it a mature and developed response to choose that nonetheless.

Then why don't you shave? Actually, why do you take care of your appearance at all?

I'm pretty sure that you do a minimum of works on your appearance. The same reasons you do apply to people balding.

Are you interested in my response personally?

Ask yourself those questions, that's my point.

> Are you interested in my response personally?

I'm actually not interested in your response, I'm interested in how you justify your previous comment while still not being able to apply it yourself.

Your appearance is important, even if you don't want it to be true. You answering these questions may make you realize how appearance is important. Anyone else answering for you won't change how you think.

> if I started going bald, I’d want a “cure” or treatment

If I started going bald, I'd do anything I could to stop it. I'm not particularly vain, so I don't think this desire really comes from vanity, it's more a stubbornness to accept aging and eventually death.

I appreciate what works for one person won't necessarily work for another and sure, if if this is a real problem for you then anything that can help you is great.

>and ignore what others think of me

What others think of us is important, sure, we're social creatures. But do others really think anything negative of us if we have a number 2? There are loads of people either bald or with close cuts that are well respected and beloved. Even celebrities widely regarded as good looking. It's not like it's a universal sign of ugliness, nowadays anyway. My dad used to have a comb-over. Yeesh!

I loved having hair, I like to think I was pretty good looking, but now I'm a slap-head and that's fine. One day I'll be dead. Eh. *hit happens.

This site is about finding solutions to hard problems, not just throwing your hands up in the air and accepting them. There are other sires for that.

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