This family could use some help. If you're an experienced parent, and have some extra time, please contact us.
I'm imagining the classic scene from movies where a teen boy comes to ask the dad if he can take the daughter to prom, except he just opens a pull request
"Will you marry me?" - "Merge request closed without comments."
I'm saving this comment :-)
In the future, I'll cite you as a visionary when this unfortunately comes to pass!