The city that I know, have supported, run companies, run punk venues, run hacker houses, and taught children to program does not bear any resemblance to the views of recent techie imports.
If you know who to talk to, you can go to an illegal, underground restaurant where guest chefs like Michael Minna cook. The are no less than 5 hacker warehouses focused solely on robotics development. Two of the old goth warehouses are still available. Sure, and there are bars/night clubs, hundreds of music venues. The closeness to natural beauty combined with all of this is almost unfair. 45% of the city is public parkland.
That's just San Francisco, not mentioning the rest of the bay area. If you can't find a niche in the bay, you would be happier living somewhere that you can find a niche. Why be unhappy just for money?
Nowhere in the world is even close. Maybe Berlin, but I'm not a big fan of Germany.
One side effect is that you are a lot less likely to find out. Spaces I used to attend which were generally "if you can find it, you can come" now have guest lists and sometimes vouch lists with the intent of keeping the bros out.
To give you context: I live in SF since 2012, and I try to bring my own experience and observations, rather than "stuff I read on Reddit". But of course I'm not perfect, and I am certainly biased in some ways.
You sound like someone who knows much more than me. Share it with us. That's what HN is for. Not for flame wars.