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Comment by major505 | Hacker News Reader

Really. I think the big problem here is social networks. Nobody interact face to face.I used to go to bars , look for a pretty girl and pay her a drink to start a conversation. Nowdays this is considered creep. They expect that I download an app, wait for a match ans just goeet for a quick chat and maybe some action. Just turn of your computers and go to a bar. Interact to people. Start conversations with stranger people. You may meet weird people. But also will meet amazing people.

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I met my husband less than a decade ago in a bar. I still talk to strangers in bars now too. Its not any more creepy to socialize with strangers in bars now than it was in the past, as long as you respect boundaries and aren't a creep about it.

The vast majority of people still meet their partners through "traditional" means, very, very few meet through sites and apps. And when I say "very, very few" I'm talking less than 10%.

https://www.mic.com/articles/112062/the-way-most-people-meet...

https://www.bustle.com/p/the-most-popular-ways-people-are-me...

I think he meant buying the drink is creepy. I go to bars on occasion and meet women my age and younger, but I've never bought them a drink because I feel the same way (although I don't think they expect it either.)

Starting the conversation is hard and it can be very difficult to tell if they really want to talk before they do, I guess that's part of why you want a good bartender because they'll usually start conversations with everyone.

Welll you just dont walk straing in. You first exchange glances, see if shes alone, whatt shes drinking (soft drinks, hard licor, beer, some fancy cocktail) and judge something about her personality, if you think you have a chance, then you pay for a drink, or just straigth hit her with something, in my case somthing dumb like "Hey, how much a polar bear weigths? Enougth to break the ice!".

What I think is creep is some stranger who straigup knows your name, your face, and can just as easy starting to virtual stalking your life and find out where you live.

Fucking hating online dating solutions like tinder.... really not good talker on line, without seeing the person face to face.

Acctually what I meant is, young people usually think talking and interacting to strangers is creepy. Like. Ok you can be creep, and is easy to look creep when you talking to a beatfull woman an is an insecure nerd. Been there, done that.

I saw an article recently[0] based on a Stanford study[1] that found 40% (!) of relationships that began in 2017 originated online.

[0] https://qz.com/1546677/around-40-of-us-couples-now-first-mee...

[1] https://web.stanford.edu/~mrosenfe/Rosenfeld_et_al_Disinterm...

You can claim anything with a survey these days. This one says 40% of couples meet online, and 60% of same-sex couples. And that is from 2017. Anecdotally I think you are out of touch, probably because you've been out of the dating game for a decade. Less than 10%? No way. Everyone has migrated to dating apps.

https://qz.com/1546677/around-40-of-us-couples-now-first-mee...

Offering strangers liquid drugs in hopes of "some action" was probably creepy back in the day too. Alcohol and hookup culture are not mutually exclusive to loneliness.

Offering a drink in a bar was never creepy when I was younger. Offering a home-made drink that nobody but you knows what's in it, that is creepy. Calling a gin tonic "liquid drugs" is grotesque in the context.

Yeah.... thas weird.... but I sure could go for a gin tonica...

here in brasil people usually don't drink fancy stuff, like pink blueberry, or things like that.

Usually beer, straith licor or things like vodka/cachaça with fruits.

I just drink fancy girly stuff like Daiquiris when I in the mood to learn a new drink, and can drink in peace without other people to judge my frail masculinity.

You sure need some drugs to loose a little.

I appreciate the sentiment of this, but I don't like how associated dating is with drinking alcohol. I don't drink and I would never go to a bar. If there were other types of social spaces not associated with drinking that would be great.

I totally agree. I do drink but would prefer to do it less and frequently end up using it as a bit of a social crutch. Coffee shops are fine during the day but I really wish there were more booze-free places to hang out at night.

Is a way of saying. You can change a bar for a coffe shop or something like that. What I'm saying get out your home and do things you apreciate. You will eventually make friands with people with the same interest.

You care about art? Go to museuns. Like italian food? Go to a cantina once in a while, even alone you will eat great food, make friends with the owners and waiters, etc.

Theres always something to do outside facebook.

the creepy part is going to a public place and sexualizing it by explicitly seeking out "pretty girl"s and buying them drinks.

Going out and seek genuine connections with people instead of buying "pretty girl"s drinks is not creepy.

You don't go in a bar for a deep conversation, you have the library and local groups of interests for that. A bar is just for relaxing and socialization, you can talk anything you want as long as you find someone to listen (or ignore) you.

Libraries, at least in the US, are mostly silence zones apart from information/checkout areas. There are still a few independent bookstores left, and those are good. College is still the preferred and most popular setting to meet a quality spouse. Online should be considered one of many tools as an adjunct to IRL, but not the primary source.

I guess... if you looking for more common people... personally I'm looking for a striper named Stacy with a tatto in the lower back, dad Issues and in sometway will fuck my life... But hey.... wherether rocks your boat.

Relaxing and Socialization != Sexualizing a public place and solely trying to pick up women. Women want to go to a bar to relax too. Do you think they can relax when men are constantly trying to buy them drinks and calling them "pretty girls"?

Genuine connection != deep conversation.

I'm not really sure what you're trying to say here, beyond being an advocate for harassment.

I am not advocating harassment; I consider harassment if you offer someone a drink, she is refusing and you insist. Not the case. There are some unwritten rules in bars: if a woman is sitting at the bar alone, she may want a drink from some guys, not from anyone. If a woman is with some guy, she probably will not be interested and it is not a good idea to try. Showing some availability is inviting - not crying out loud "I want to be offered a drink by a tall dark stranger", but the meaning is the same. Not harassment. Females don't contact directly guys, they want to be asked and to be allowed to choose. Basic human psychology, no big deal.

Well, I would be happy if anyone would buy me drinks. Because uually I'm broke af.

Well, it dependends... last week I was drinkign a beer alone in my usual water shit hole, smoking a cigar... a guy came and ask for my ligther. In half a hour we where discussing the root causes of WWI. So... you can't have... but usually not with a girl you trying to impress.

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