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Comment by maximilian | Hacker News Reader

Finding friends is such an odd thing. In college I had a million freshman year, but it seemed that every year the number dwindled, but those remaining were that much better. Now I'm in grad school and I only have like 3 friends, and I'm totally unsure as to how I would make more? I don't understand how people moving to new places make any at all.

I'm also going to a school now that is more of a commuter school, so nobody lives close by. I honestly think that if people lived close to school, then everybody would have more friends.

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This is true. When you're a freshman you don't know anyone yet, but no one else knows anybody else either. So people are much more compelled to make friends. After a couple years your circle of friends kind of crystallizes, and those whom you don't know aren't that eager to stretch out of their little circles either.

I went through the "moving to a new place" experience a few months ago when I moved to Germany for 3 months. It was really odd, as it was the first time in my life when I really had to objectively think about how to make new friends.

And the best advice I can give about that is: DON'T go live on your own. At least not for the first few months. Go live with other people, particularly with people who value having a good vibe in the house, and not just living together to share expenses but never looking each other in the face (if you're going to Germany, look for "kein zweck WG" ;). You'll end up becoming friends with them, and meeting their friends that come over from time to time.

I actually lived in germany for a year too. Weird... I made all my friends through international student clubs, so I had almost no trouble there. Its coming back to grad school when I find myself with very few friends and noticeably fewer outlets through which to meet friends.

Our circle wasn't that we didn't let new people in, it was that people started graduating or whatever, and the circle got smaller without anyone to fill in the gaps. I guess that is because we didn't know anyone new, so we didn't have any "applicants" to join our circle of friends. I'm still convinced that all my problems here is because nobody walks here where I live. As soon as I can walk to other houses and cafes and bars, everything will get better.

It'd be an interesting sociological experiment to track the correlation between # of friends to distance walked per day.

I transferred my Sophomore year of college and encountered exactly what you described. Freshmen year it seemed like all the students were wide-eyed and eager to meet new people. By Sophomore year all that had changed, much to the dismay of this new kid in town.

I've graduated since and -- I'm fortunate -- things worked out for the better. But if I had it to do over again I almost certainly wouldn't transfer.

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