This makes the wrong assumption that happiness comes with success. Success doesn’t bring happiness. If anything, being happy in the first place is what gives you a better chance at achieving success.
The other strange thing that I found for myself (and I think it's different for different people) is that "goals to have done something" are just not satisfying for me. I get no pleasure from having achieved anything. I only get pleasure achieving things. I love being successful. I'm completely neutral about having been successful.
For me, being successful really truly brings me happiness. I therefore choose to do things where I will likely be successful in a sustainable way.
Indeed I was wondering why completing tasks is absolutely unsatisfying for me: it's because I wish I would have done them (earlier).
I considered my manager an egotistical jerk; he even called our 1:1s lessons. He told me that any part of my personality that didn’t line up with what the company would score on a Meyers Briggs was a problem. A senior engineer decided he was my mentor but constantly put me down. My team dangled the promise of a promotion if I could the job at my level and fulfill the job description of an open headcount two levels above me. I worked overnight every Tuesday sleeping only 4 hrs on my couch. I was miserable and in the end they said I couldn’t be promoted because the work I had was already stressing me out too much (I gave notice between reviews being finalized and revealed to make it clear this wasn’t a tantrum over my review)
My takeaway: it doesn’t matter what the maximum possible achievement is in a job; you’ll only rise if you can enjoy it. Successful people aren’t happy; happy people are successful.
In fact, many successful people with strong drive, very competitive etc. are deep down continuously unhappy. I mean, happy competitive person is a textbook oxymoron. At least that's how people I know with this trait are - always looking up to somebody faster, better, richer and not stopping and enjoying the moment.
Employers try to convince you that your success is correlated with what they want to do, but it is not the case. They are paying you to do your job and that's all.
Ads try to convince you that success depends on purchasing their stuff, but it is not the case. There is always more stuff to buy. In fact it might hinder your success if it puts you in debt or prevents you from becoming financially independent.
Parents often try to convince you that success depends on the agenda they created for you.
Fuck all of this. Success is what you decide it is.
If you like to write software, work on becoming a better developer. The market being as it is, the workplace success is then a side-effect.
Obviously all of this is a bit simplified but not being pushed around helps a lot for being happy I find.
-- Marcus Aurelius, http://classics.mit.edu/Antoninus/meditations.html
He was an idiot. In an ideal society such persons would only work in the circus...
Even the quote used:
> “Comparison is the thief of joy.” —Theodore Roosevelt
Isn't 'success' a form of comparison? How do you quantify success? Is it binary? Is it a validation from peers?
Do your own thing, be excellent at it, have fun.
Is it necessary to excel to be successful and/or happy?
It is possible to be excellent at enjoying a simple life (most of us are terrible at it).
It is possible to enjoy being terrible at something because it's fun(ny) or reminds us of our youth.
The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language gives the two meanings
- The achievement of something desired, planned, or attempted.
- The gaining of fame or prosperity.
of which the first one is entirely void of comparison. Your biggest desire is to live in a nice house in the country side with a wife and two kids? If you achieved that, congratulations, you are successful!
Overcoming your own limitation is a much better form of success. At least there is a form of control that you have on it.
If you're happy and have achieved your goals, you're successful. No external quantification or validation required.
You still need to compare your state with your desired state, but that's it.
"Don't be mad 'cause I'm doin me better than you doin you" - Childish Gambino
Figure out what that means for you, and you'll be successful. That's my theory anyway. The amount that I believe that theory varies from day to day, but I use it as a mantra to keep me level.
Because success is external, it is not fully within your control. For example, your environment, other people, your physical circumstances all have an impact. It does not have a definition - it can literally mean whatever you want it to be.
Because happiness is internal it is fully within your control. If you have control over your mind and emotions you can be happy in an instant, if you consciously chose to do so.
And if you are happy, then success becomes easier as you are free to use your mind to identify what you want and the things that you need to do to get that.
It reminds me of a quote I remember from an old article on T-Nation that goes something like "Its true that the majority of bodybuilders started due to some insecurity. However, its probably a lot healthier than the way that most people deal with their insecurity".