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Comment by justAlittleCom | Hacker News Reader

what is "free time"? I consider doing most of those things on my "free time". When I go excercise, I have no obligation do to so, I do it on my "free time". If I had kid, I'd consider spending time with them as "free time with my kids". I dont like this pessimistic perception of time, and it's not mine. The only non free time I have, is the one I "owe" to my employer. And this time, I freely give it to him, and If I wasn't contractually require to do so, I'd probably do the very same thing (I teach and research at uni).

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> If I had kid, I'd consider spending time with them as "free time with my kids"

It's really not, though. Before parenthood I had all these romantic 'Swallows and Amazons' ideas about lazy summer days on riverbanks and meadows.

In reality time with young kids is about mundane things like making meals, doing homework, playing what they want to play, trying to coax them to help with chores that you need to get done, finding craft activities to deflect them from screen-time etc etc

It's not in the slightest bit free-choice or frankly enjoyable. I've just got up on Saturday to find that it's raining heavily, my heart sank. Now to find 14 hours of indoor child-oriented activities...

it gets easier as the kids get older. it also helps to have interesting hobbies yourself that you can involve your kids in.

so instead of asking: how am i going to entertain this bunch on rainy weekends, ask: what hobby might i like to pick up that i can get my kids interested in.

i have been struggling with that too. i am considering things like learning an instrument, programming, playing board-games.

i found a simplified version of DnD, made it even easier and combined it with using lego to build the environment (including treasure boxes)

and when it's not raining there are plenty of outdoor activities to choose from.

what hobby might i like to pick up that i can get my kids interested in

i'd actually like to rephrase that a bit. kids are naturally interested in everything their parents do. so the question is not whether i can get the kids interested, but rather, whether is is something that is interesting for me, yet suitable for kids.

> In reality time with young kids is about mundane things like making meals, doing homework, playing what they want to play, trying to coax them to help with chores that you need to get done, finding craft activities to deflect them from screen-time etc etc

There is little evidence that any of those helps your kid, you do it because you want to not because it is needed.

There is little evidence that feeding and activating your kid is helping them? Homework? There's little evidence that your kid ought to do their homework?

Or did you zero in on the screen-time statement and really meant that there's not much evidence as to how damaging screen-time is for a kid?

Making meals for the kids can be done at the same time as making meals for yourself, no extra time spent there unless you make exceptions for them. No need to activate the kid, kids can entertain themselves if you let them. Helping them with homework is not important, no, you can tell them to do their homework but that doesn't take a lot of time to do.

The thing is that you as a parent has extremely small influence on your kid. Your goal should be to provide a stress free environment they can feel safe in, you do that by not stressing about all of these things, everything else you do for your kid is for your own sake. Every hour you force feed them information and activities is an hour they don't get to discover and experience things on their own. Both are valuable, so picking one over the other doesn't really change much.

Do you have kids? This all sounds like it's written by someone who's read articles about how to parent and nodded along, without any practical experience. Specifically, by someone who envisions the "happy path" of parenting, without considering that sometimes kids throw tantrums, sometimes they're not content to entertain themselves, that sometimes you cannot make them the same meal you make for yourself.

> Your goal should be to provide a stress free environment they can feel safe in, you do that by not stressing about all of these things, everything else you do for your kid is for your own sake.

This is a huge load of baloney. This zen "let the kids discover things on their own!" maybe works fine for high school students, but my toddler is fascinated by many things about the world, and my wife and I are a vast source of information about it, and rightfully so. Kids are chock full of questions because they're trying to learn about the world, and many of their questions cannot be answered sufficiently with a "go find out".

It's still a conscious choice you made at the time. Maybe uninformed about the kind of commitment it was but still a choice to spend your free time for several years this way rather than learn to sculpt wood or build model cars or whatever.

I have an infant and going to the gym or a run is about as free as it gets these days. It's a hobby so I don't understand how is that not "free time".

Not everyone considers physical activity interesting, or anything but a means to an end - healthy body and healthy mind. For me, any form of exercise is definitely work.

So you think the only non-free time you have is when you're working, and possibly commuting? Nobody is paying you to sleep, so it should count as free time too, right?

It's pretty clear what the tool means by "free time". It's time not otherwise spent on activities that are either required or recommended for a healthy life.

Couldn't agree more. I also work on my side project in my free time.

i like your perspective on this. made me think. i'd just like to add that for an introvert free time can be considered alone time. you can get that at night after the kids are asleep if you can get it at all.

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