It’s simply true by definition that everyone who wants to alter zoning rules - no matter how - is telling other people what should be in their backyard. To suggest otherwise is intellectually dishonest. Your drive to change building rules mostly affects other people.
...but that’s also how our system of government works, so just own it already.
What the OP is pointing out is the doublespeak nature of “YIMBY” as a rallying cry. Just be honest about what you want: unless you truly only care about what you can do with your property, what you really want is for other people to stop fighting development in their backyard, too.
Trying to frame this as a drive for personal choice misses the point of the debate: the other side doesn’t care what you do in your backyard, but they sure as hell don’t want it affecting theirs.
(Nothing I’m saying here is advocating for a side in this argument. If you’re downvoting me reflexively because you think I’m being “NIMBY”, you’re blinded by ideology.)