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Comment by CondensedBrain | Hacker News Reader

I think it depends a lot on where you are. Older strangers here mostly want to talk about sports, religion, the latest reality TV show, how much they hate The Gays and trans people, and how much better things used to be when they were kids and everything was nice and stable because everyone knew their place. That is a nostalgia trip I can do without.

The people around my age spend all their non-work time commuting for work or being with family. They have no interest/time/energy--the reason varies--for socializing outside family.

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>Older strangers here mostly want to talk about...how much they hate The Gays and trans people,

Do your part and engage these hateful people. Show them love. Tell them you're queer and support LGBTQ people. We won't squash hate by ignoring the problem.

Doesn't work. I'm not going to change the mind of a 60+ Baptist who's devoted their whole life to getting into heaven. They believe my soul is at stake and that accepting that part of me is itself a sin. They bolster their worldview every Sunday. The entire community they inhabit supports and defends this perspective.

I'm not suggesting that it will work on one individual. It's about creating a space where these people receive criticism for their hateful views, but in a productive way. It's about standing up for your friends and family. It's about living in a society. I hate the C word, but ignoring them is cowardly.

You are free to risk your own mental health and safety [1]. Otherwise, you have no place calling anyone a coward. I tried. Zero progress. This is not safe or easy work and it's already tiring enough surviving in a place like this while trying to find a way out.

[1] https://www.advocate.com/crime/2019/6/08/police-investigatin...

Again, I don't disagree with you at all that it's dangerous and tiring. The alternative is concentration camps. It's already happening to brown people. Who's next? Who will be left to stand up for you?

> I'm not going to change the mind of a 60+ Baptist who's devoted their whole life to getting into heaven. They believe my soul is at stake and that accepting that part of me is itself a sin.

You'd be surprised. Like habits, old thought patterns die hard, but nearly every person with a bigoted view that changes their mind does so after meeting people who don't fit the mold their prejudices try to force them into.

Your conversation might not change their mind, and they may never change, but if their narrow worldview does one day crumble it'll probably be a death by a thousand cuts so every little cut makes a difference. Even for the devout the cognitive dissonance is always there somewhere. Feel free to feed it when you get the chance.

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