Comment by throwawaymath | Hacker News Reader

Comment by throwawaymath | Hacker News Reader

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I agree with you. My honest answers to each of questions (save 8 and 9) are what the researchers would probably consider the "correct" response. Personally I don't like it when people point out my shortcomings or errors, but I'd argue those questions are under-specified. I may not like it, but I'll welcome it and earnestly assume they have some insight I do not.

In any case I think it makes me an unenjoyable person to be around. I more or less don't engage in opinionated discussion with people unless I'm intimately familiar with the topic at hand. Then it's no longer discussing opinions but trading facts. When I do engage, it's usually to ask questions of the other person's opinion without really challenging them. While I might agree with their opinions, I'm reluctant to refute them unless I can systematically prove them wrong. That's usually not possible, because they often know more than I do about any given topic. When I am asked questions directly I hedge my answers extensively.

When I was younger I used to take pride in this, but now I find it isolating. It's difficult to relate to people like this.

I feel similarly and agree about the responses. I typically avoid political arguments or heavily opinionated conversations. Maybe it's because I'm still young (I'll be 30 in a couple years) but I don't think this makes me an unenjoyable person to be around.

I like having _good_ conversations, and can still have them about controversial or opinionated subjects. If I don't know enough about a topic to offer my opinion I like to ask questions that will offer some insight as to why the person feels so strongly. Usually (not always) when someone feels very strongly about something, there is some kernel of truth somewhere that will at least be interesting. It's fun to at least figure out _why_ people think they way they do.

I used to have a bad habit of being a devil's advocate. I'm sure it was annoying when I was even younger, but I've found that faking (exploring) an opinion can help give the conversation some depth. Nowadays I do that less, but can get away with it if I preface it nicely enough.

Like most people I also dislike being wrong. I’m also game for disagreements, which means I’m wrong a lot, easily the most on my team at work. I’d hesitate to say that makes me more “enjoyable” to my teammates.

More likely people find me difficult to take seriously because I’ll passionately argue for something I don’t necessarily have the best evidence for and then immediately give up and say I’m wrong when someone gives me the evidence I’m looking for.

Fun counter intuitive social trick :)

There's a thing called.. hmm .. positive negotiation ? when you interact with someone by always aiming at finding a middleground/compromise, rather than arguing for the sake of it.

Your point reminds me of something that I'm seeing (IIUC). A lot of the time people will assert more than they know (I do that sometimes too[0]) and the discussion will stop. By insisting even at the risk at being wrong, you force everybody to show their hand and sometimes they'll realize that they may be wrong or off point and that they need to reevaluate the situation. .. We're tribal, even in scientific fields.

> By insisting even at the risk at being wrong, you force everybody to show their hand and sometimes they'll realize that they may be wrong or off point and that they need to reevaluate the situation

If this was more common, I think the world would start to become a much better place surprisingly quickly, at a cost of people suffering a little minor intellectual humiliation until they started to be more disciplined about their beliefs.

This resonates with me to a surprising extent. My perceived threshold for expressing an opinion is very high, and I also find that I don't really have any particularly _strong_ opinions to begin with.

The "hedge my answers extensively" bit is spot-on, as is the isolating nature of this "trait", unfortunately.

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