Comment by oryyx | Hacker News Reader

Comment by oryyx | Hacker News Reader

I've been lonely for so long, I'm almost numb to it. I'm 28, and sometimes I don't even feel human. I can go weeks where the only words I utter to other humans are during the 10-20 minute catch-ups with my parents who live 2000 miles away. My only consistent communication is with a group of ~5 guys on Discord, where we mostly discuss the game we play together via text. I have never so much as cuddled with another person, much less kissed/held hands/etc. I'm so starved for physical human contact that it's almost painful.

Anyway, I recently went back to school to finish a CS bachelor's. I have zero friends, shitty grades, no internship experience, a criminal record (technically expunged), and a GitHub profile that's essentially empty; supposed to be graduating next week and finding a job.

I don't know why I'm writing this here. Despite the fact that I'm graduating next week, I'm somehow at an all-time-low in my life. And unbelievably lonely. Like I can't even express how lonely I am, it's just a pit. Basically been in this state for 10 years now. My 20's down the fucking drain.

Do you live anywhere near LA? You mention you surf? If so hit me up at murdock.roy@gmail.com and let's hang out. I'm 26 and still figuring stuff out too...don't worry, everyone is constantly trying to figure it out...

Hey I feel for you stranger. I don't know what to say really because I don't have it figured out, but try not to worry about wasting time. I guess it's all sort of pointless in the end so might as well gamble with yourself? Do something unusual, try to meet people with similar interests. Maybe go to a bar or a park? You're not a failure for not having experienced those things you listed.

I appreciate the sympathy. I think you're right about everything being sort of pointless. When I think about the scale of the universe and my place within it, my insecurities are kinda humorous. But even with that realization, my stupid brain is still depressed. Humans just aren't mean to be solitary like I am, I guess.

great username! to solve your problem, go volunteer at ANYTHING. whether its a marathon handing out water, a soup kitchen, habitat 4 humanity, bartender at a skatepark, ticket / usher guy at theatre or sports event. so many places need volunteers and its a great way to do something that brings you above your ego.

Have you tried meeting or just talking to anyone on Okcupid or Tinder? Or tried chatting with folks on Twitch?

Yeah, I met some women (mostly on OKC) a couple years ago. Went on about 5 dates with 5 different women. Only clicked with one; we setup a second date, and she cancelled on me last minute to say that she was getting back together with her ex.

Honestly though, as much as I want to be with someone -- I don't know if it's the best time. I'm basically a depressed man-child, living on grant money and parental support. My self-esteem is ridiculously low, and I'm actually terrified of the physical aspect of dating. I have ZERO experience, and it's going to be obvious. That's gotta be a red flag for most women my age.

I would say make it a priority to do a small thing every single day to make yourself feel better. Eating healthy, exercising, and sleeping well. Maybe even see a Dr. to get anti-depressants. I went on anti-depressants a while ago and it allowed me get my life to a place where I no longer need them and feel the best I've ever felt. It just takes time. I don't think experience will matter to a girl that likes you. It just takes time to find the right girl but you need to keep going on dates. I probably went on 40+ dates.

Thanks for the suggestions, I appreciate it. My diet is fine, and I surf often for a bit of exercise, but my sleep patterns are definitely not optimal as a student. Unfortunately, I've tried just about every SSRI on the market and they're not for me. Was up to 30-40mg of Prozac a few years ago; it replaced my feelings of hopelessness with extreme apathy, which was not good in retrospect (plus the weight gain). I've been diagnosed with dysthymia since like middle school.

But yeah, I'll probably retry the online dating scene when I get a source of income that's not from school/family. In the meantime, my dream is to be stable enough to have a dog.

A dog sounds cool.

The first step of solving the problem of being "a depressed man-child, living on grant money and parental support" is to recognize the problem. You did that.

Fixing the income source will help. Note that the women will be looking at long-term prospects, so being on a path to near-future graduation with a viable degree is about as good as actually having a good job. Since you are "supposed to be graduating next week", you are probably have a decent status right now. The better ones are wondering if you can reliably support a family for decades, not if you can buy them toys today.

There isn't much physical aspect of dating for most of the people who are serious about starting a family. For those people, that stuff still waits for after the wedding. Suggesting otherwise would be a red flag for them, and you might want to view it the same way. If you can get yourself to honestly view it that way, then you have a legit answer to any questions they may have about your experience.

I'm well aware of and willing to admit my problems, so that's sorted out. The job situation is a major source of anxiety for me, as I don't look good on paper, and I'm not confident in my abilities to do technical interviews. Furthermore, though I'll have a CS B.S. from a high ranking public uni come next week -- my GPA is terrible, I have no internship experience, almost no personal projects, and a criminal record in another state. Since I transferred to this uni, I became more reclusive and depressive; it's a miracle I'll even get the stupid degree.

As for the dating thing. I have no interest in starting a family, and I specifically don't want to date women who are adamant about that kind of life. There are a lot of things I want to do, and having children would destroy my chances (at least the way I see it).

Oh.

In that case, head over to rural Nevada and make a 100% legal cash transaction for physical activity. This satisfies you without improperly taking advantage of anybody who is looking for a family man.

I would love to hear more about this: "lot of things I want to do, and having children would destroy my chances"

I assume you really just mean that those things would be irresponsible if you had kids. I can make a few guesses, but I'd like to hear it from you. My guesses...

1. secret agent for the CIA

2. wingsuit BASE jumping

3. test pilot for Blue Origin, SpaceX, Sierra Nevada, Boom Technology, Virgin Galactic, or Reaction Engines Limited

4. ebola nurse

5. Scientologist

6. judge, in northern Mexico

7. Christian missionary in Saudi Arabia

8. Mars explorer

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