How to tell an engineering candidate they didn't get the job

This sort of article makes me think of the "are software engineering salaries bimodal" article from a while back (danluu: https://danluu.com/bimodal-compensation/); primarily because it feels like advice for a different world.

I don't care if I don't get the job. Applying for jobs is like dating. If they don't want you, you didn't want it anyway. There will be other jobs.

Unless you set your entire life on working at Google or whatever and then fail. Then, sure, go and roll into a ball in the corner and cry.

That's a completely self-imposed situation, though. Setting appropriate expectations is key to happiness in life.

An interesting article that I think fits in well with the current discussion on hiring, interviewing, etc for SWE and other similar positions.

All too often in the past I've been rejected, and wrote an email or other letter to the company and hiring manager thanking them for their time and consideration, and asking them for feedback on what led them to my rejection, and how I could do better.

Not one has ever answered those questions, so I am left feeling frustrated on how I can improve myself for future interviews and job opportunities. The best I can do is reflect on the interview, think about what my own strengths and weaknesses were during it, and try to recall anything else that I might have said or done that reflected poorly on my candidacy. Then work to fix those for my next interview.

Eventually with perseverance, I've always managed to land a new position, but it would have been much easier with feedback. I couldn't even imagine getting offers for introduction to other openings, or even mentoring. If only such opportunities were made to candidates, what a difference could be made!

I'm a hiring manager, and I don't see any possible good that can come from getting into this discussion. Give them the decision, wish them luck, and hang up the phone. If they want/need feedback, they should get it from friends, family or job search counselors (if they are long term unemployed), not from the company that just rejected them. That's just cruel.