The prison inside: Japan's hikikomori lack relationships, not physical spaces
japantimes.co.jp
japantimes.co.jp
It's also easier to have substitute "network" relationships which are not complete.
Abd it shows we're geared towards living in relatively small communities whee everyone knows everyone, but new forced mobility breaks that, and so do long work hours. (I believe the optimum size is somewhere around 10k and average 30h workweek, more bursty.)
My personal solution to what almost happened to me was to fix the underlying problem with medication and start building from ground up. It took two lost years of my life (funny enough, during studies) and it's always a risk of relapse...
The solution is unfortunately to get really creative in finding actual humanity around. It's rare but happens.
It is actually quite hard for an adult to find an actual connection who isn't a spouse nowadays. You get to dig into weird social spaces like clubs (some are really niche too) and there are few guarantees. It's also for some reason harder for men because women still tend to build minimum social groups as a reflex ("coffee clatches" or rumour Mills)
A lot of it is extremely superficial too which can be annoying.
But someone in a first world country isn't at serious risk of the next town over coming by and murdering everyone for their possessions. Or having fatal diarrhea.
Futures were far from certain with those existential threats on the horizon.
But all the other desires and concerns you list are met by millions of people by going to church. And participating! Just like university, it's possible to go while essentially being disconnected from everyone.
And if the concern is the weirdness, most churches would be more than happy to let folks join in on activities and charitable work with no theological or financial commitments. I've never seen religious tests in churches other than to be a teacher of religion, which makes sense.
If you're not seeing a lot of peace, patience, kindness, or self-control, stay away.
But this comment, and its siblings, need to be careful about painting with too broad a brush. Religious communities are diverse. Again, there are billions of folks that are into church or weekly worship of some sort... there are too many of them for the entire category of activity to be inherently weird.
I won't presume to give you advice here, but for the other people reading, there are many churches who do work in this space, supporting shelters for victims of violent crimes, recovery groups, addiction recovery programs (substance abuse is often involved in domestic abuse), support groups for divorced people, fostering, adoption, and so on. There are places for one to do some good in this particular space.
Churches have a weird entry criteria - you have to believe in their god (which can be offensive when it’s phrased like “you are incapable of handling your own life, leave it to God”). And if you don’t, you’re silently and persistently pressured into making that conversion, with a healthy dose of pity for you and your sinful ways.
But, yes, people will often discuss theology and proselytize. If that sort of thing angers you, maybe skip out after the music and then catch up with folks when the coffee or potluck starts. Or maybe skip all of the above and just sign up for the volunteer activities at retirement homes, women's shelters, etc.
Communion at the Catholic Church. Or entering the Mormon church at all.
I guess maybe wedding might be a niche concern. Some churches only marry believers or even members, but I bet most would consider it anyway. Only some sort of premarital class or counseling is typically required.
Articles need some narrative, and I get that it's also trying to put the spotlight on a different variant of a phenomenon.
But I feel it's going too strong on the opposite direction. There must be a sizeable number of Hikikomori who cut themselves willingly from traditional society because they feel there's nothing there for them. Others, like quoted, are forced into it.
I'm sure the reality of it is pretty mixed and varied, especially as the definition has been broaden to encompass people who don't get out of their homes out of pure necessity.
In my eyes, it now encompasses anti-feminist politics and overlaps a lot with "redpills". What happened?
Rather than a legitimate complaint, it reads more as an excuse.
If they're resorting to blaming and hating the opposite sex, then no, they are not trying to better themselves. You can't improve yourself if you're assigning the blame outside yourself.
> Accept they were born unattractive - then what
A lot of shitty cards are dealt in life. Being unattractive is just one of them. Yes, accept and move on.
It's just a subculture don't take it too seriously
Accepting you were born in a way that doesn't conform to your ideal is I think natural for any person. I'd wager most of us aren't built to the spec of an idealised representation of ourselves. Part of growing up is accepting that this is the case. The step after that is getting on with your life - why would it be suicide?
A side effect of that mindset is also increased attractiveness to both potential partners and other social contacts in general.
{Citation needed.}
This seems unlikely given that "hikikomoru" is a compound verb which means to stay inside.
If it's nice weather but someone stays at home all day, the hikikomoru verb is used for that; it (still) doesn't have automatic connotations of it being a way of life.
The "komoru" part has various meanings (according to EDICT): "shut oneself in (e.g. one's room); to be confined in; to seclude oneself; to hide away; to stay inside (one's shell)" as well as "to be heavy with (e.g. smoke); to be stuffy; to be dense", plus others.
I interpret the term (n. hikikomori) differently to the verb (hikikomoru) from which it is derived.
The term (hikikomori): individual instance of the social phenomenon of withdrawing from society and living in persistent isolation.
The verb (hikikomoru): used in reference to a specific (non-persistent) act of staying indoors, without necessarily carrying the broader sociological meaning. Edit: as another comment points out, just staying indoors for a weekend, etc.
It's basically just staying home when you could do otherwise. A normal reply to "what did you do last Sunday ?", etc.
"hikikomori" isn't a derivation, but a very basic inflection supported by all verbs, used all the time.
Without that you could be "shut in", but that just meant you were inside something with the door shut. It didn't have long-term or social implications.
The other reason is because some people like to bash Japan (and increasingly Korea it seems to me). I don't really like the word "racist" here because it really doesn't fit, I think. It's more culturist. Some people really hate the culture and think it's wrong, so they promote stories that show it in a bad light. I would say equally prevalent are people who unduly love the culture and promote stories that show it in a good light. There are tons of overly optimistic stories about Japan on HN.
Japan Times makes money from this second category (people who unduly hate Japanese culture and people who unduly love Japanese culture) and so post a ridiculous amount of trashy articles about these kinds of things. If you really want to understand Japanese culture well, I would advise avoiding it as much as possible. They are only in it to whip up emotion as far as I can tell.
I posted this story. I certainly don't hate my own home or culture. Rather I think one must have lived a very sheltered life in Japan not to have been affected by the hikikomori issue, by alcoholism, or both, which I'd argue are the two biggest problems today in Japanese society, bar none.
Japan Times criticism is valid, somewhat. It's certainly not top notch journalism, very few articles are these days. But I can't quite go and post a study of hikikomori in Japanese.
Not a single person I know in Japan has had no contact with, or not suffered themselves directly these issues. Any public conversation about them is good and necessary.
Why do you think people on HN want to talk about this phenomenon?
Personally, I know a significant number of people ( not just in Japan ) who work from home, glued to a keyboard.
I do too on occasion -- as I assume is the case for many people on HN. But I must travel more than I like for work as well.
At any rate, these people always looking at a screen, they don't think of themselves as hikikomori. And mostly aren't, in fact they may have an uncle, or a son, or a niece, or next door neighbour, who really is, and makes life very, very difficult for people related to them, or living with them. So, not hikikomori, yet these work-from-home types can have close to zero interaction with the outside world other than a couple of holiday trips per year, and the occasional shopping weekend with wife / husband / partner.
I think some of them wake up one day and think they're going to end up like their neighbour. Others want to know how to get their son out of the room.
The thing is, hardly anyone talks in person to anyone else about it in so-called real life.
Maybe many in our line of work can be in situations that relate to the problem. Isolation in the age of hyperconnectivity is ironically very real.
I'm all for talking about the feeling of isolation and the frustration of working a long time without much social contact (story of my current life). However, I would not conflate that with hikikomori which is a much more serious social issue of how to deal with mental illness.
Also, there are many types of hikikomori. Some have no family support or live with them.
I know one who lives in an internet cafe, alone, and has for years. The staff told me she avoids everyone as if they were toxic poison. Only comes out at night for bathroom trips / snacks and she will run back into the cubicle if anyone's in the hall when she comes out. It's been three years now. In a cubicle. Leaves the payments near the drink section in an envelope always at the same time of night. Doesn't even use the cubicle computer, she works out of her smartphone. ( Our company actually hired her for a while. ) Most employees do not even know what she looks like, I certainly don't. She's adamant that she wants to live like this.
The son of a friend has been in his room for the last ten years. Does nothing all day. Tried to kill himself several times. Their life is an absolute nightmare.
Etc. There's no one-size-fits-all, and in some cases I don't know if mental illness has anything to do with it.
Edit : Our next door neighbour, as far as I know, has not been out of his one room apartment in at least 8 years. He's old ( 80s ? ) and a couple of volunteers check on him once a week and bring him food, otherwise he'd be dead already. We tried to talk to him once and were told not to do so as he could turn violent, "he's a hikikomori"... It took a while to find volunteers to help him out that he would not attack, apparently. I mean, the list is awfully long. I could go on and on.
So I don't see it as Japan bashing just that it's more widely known and talked about in Japan. Not much different to early discussions of ADHD coming from the US. The Western cliche of an uber-nerd stuck in their parent's basement or their bedroom, but surrounded by technology seems to me the more offensive description of a similar result - yet not seen as US or UK bashing.
As for a specific HN angle, it seems reasonable to suppose that a phenomenon that has grown alongside technological growth, in a nation that for many years was at the forefront of that growth may be connected. In the same way my kids and friends are incredibly wary of making a simple phone call - almost taking any and every option in preference. Perhaps this is part of the "cost" of technology.
It sounds to me like Japan's hyper-competitive business culture has chewed these people up and spit them back out (even though for some this happened while still in school), and now an entire population segment has paralyzing depression. Maybe that aspect of the country's culture will be forced to change for the sake of the economy.