If you weren't seeking help why are you here telling us? Perhaps you would like help but don't know how to ask for it, or are ashamed, or have another dumb reason.
Talk to someone, you obviously have something to say. Even if it does nothing at least someone will hear your story.
I feel that's a very presumptuous and patronising thing to say. People leave suicide notes not because they want help, but because they want people to understand what they're going through. We yearn for this sort of intellectual connection even after the wish to stay alive has disappeared.
I won't tell you what to do but I do know that victory is much sweeter than the endless black, and it is within your grasp should you choose it.
Farewell fellow traveler, it would please me to encounter you again someday.
Edit: I also have enjoyed the work of Dr. Peterson as the other commenter stated. I second the recommendation. He is why I continue to fight.