> * Enforce style rules with a linter/test, like "UPDATE must have a LIMIT"

As someone who has never had access to a DB with any serious number of users, can you explain this one further? What if you really do want to update every row? Do you just do LIMIT INT_MAX or the like, and just force people to write that so that they always know they're updating the entire table? Or are you saying you should only ever use UPDATE on a known finite (and small?) number of rows?