> I am the same person I was when I was a public servant

I'm sorry, friend, but it's strikingly obvious that you're not. I hope you can be, again, someday.

Your root cause - is it loops of mental and physical pain? If so, have you by chance experimented with psychedelics for "rewiring neural pathways"?

Sorry if this has been asked of you before - just not worth missing potentially benefitting someone.