Bash is painful and awful, IMO. The last thing I want to do (if I were even capable of comprehending the man pages) is really learn it and internalize its awfulness (same with, say, Vim); I want to be able to do what I want to with some syntax quickly glued on from StackOverflow.
Actually, I don't want to do that either.
What I really want to do is use a Python script instead. :3