For my application, the problem with implementations that use more traditional tombstone algorithms is that removing items from the table doesn't decrease the load, so that at some point the entire table has to be recreated. For my application, worst case performance is far more important than average performance.
dense_hash_map definitely behaves as described above, and (from a quick look at the code) I believe khash does as well.
I haven't looked at ska::flat_hash_map but thanks for the tip.