An evidence based guide to anxiety in autism [pdf]

I'd give anything to have had my parents follow that sensory guide toolbox when I was a kid. I couldn't explain why it "hurt" to make physical contact with people, why seemingly arbitrary things would give me head to toe shivers that I couldn't shake off. This was all dismissed as me being dramatic or wanting attention. But the worst was the ways I found to cope:

I found that eating a lot of paper and chewing (and I'm ashamed to say, eating) fabric helped me a lot. I'd secretly walk to a department store to buy bath towels and I'd "eat" one in about a month. Of course it was a gross habit, but it was an unstoppable compulsion. And everyday I hated myself when I'd excrete this shredded up fabric.

A classmate called me out in 8th grade, when in the middle of class, she said "Ascur it's disgusting how you're always eating paper" and it was just a horrible moment, I didn't even consider that other people would notice.

So things came to a head when I was 19 and got food poisoning, and was scared that the fabric had gotten stuck somewhere in my digestive tract. I told my parents we needed to go to the hospital and the whole situation, and of course it was just a whole mess of shame and being unable to explain myself.

Even after they found out, I'd still continue in secret, it was all I could look forward to on a day to day basis. I've since done CBT and discovered resources on dealing with this, but yeah, I just wanted to share how weird and hard it can be. So I really hope that kids today have access to these resources.

As an adult on the spectrum, I actually find myself reaching for ear plugs and tinted glasses increasingly often as I get older, even though I should have been "desensitized" by all measures. Sure, I know can spend a ton of energy trying to pretend like I'm not bothered by a noisy environment - but it's just not worth it any more. I don't really care if I look goofy, I'd rather have my mental well-being preserved later on.

I feel like we're taught that that our options are to just deal with and be very uncomfortable at every restaurant, movie, or otherwise loud public space, or avoid those settings altogether rather than make other people feel slight unease from seeing a person in public with earplugs or tinted glasses. I realize now it's not really a big deal to wear those things in public, and it's much easier for the people around me to get over a slightly silly-looking accessory than it is for me to "get over" sensory overstimulation.

I can say here it worked a near miracle, for my son. This was after a quack was trying to put him on antipsychotics.