Travis: if you ever want to learn web development with Ruby on Rails, you've got a free PDF+screencast bundle from http://railstutorial.org/ waiting for you. :-)
Thanks for the offer but I'm a pretty big PHP guy (yeah, I know, snide comments)... ;)
I for one support your use of PHP. I'm thinking now my donation request will consist of you putting up some permanent ice monument in support of PHP in Antarctica.