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Comment by ErrantX | Hacker News Reader

Yes... and there was not necessarily anything wrong with making a pass at her (i.e. taking her aside and going for a kiss etc, although it's hardly well executed it is harmless and she clearly views it that way)

But when rebuffed you don't then feel her up. There is a line to be crossed; she brought the passes on herself to be sure, but not the assault.

(EDIT: the replies to this make it clear my point got a bit twisted. I was rebuffing the parent to this' point about her being flirty at the party; by suggesting that flirtyness is not wrong and neither is [in many cases] making passes at flirty people. But that assaulting them after a clear rebuff is always wrong. In this case it is clear he was entirely in the wrong. Using the word "necessarily" was meant to convey that, obviously that didn't work ;))

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Going for a kiss when someone has made no sign that they're in to you? When there are no signals that this is perhaps fine? No that's not cool!

Brought the passes on herself? No. You can flirt with someone, if they don't reciprocate, it's not cool. First move = kiss is not flirting, it's massively inappropriate.

Life would be so much easier if that were always true.

But sometimes, the first real move in a relationship is a kiss, which comes fairly much out of the blue.

Context is everything.

Brought the passes on herself?

Yep, she did. But that is not a blame on the victim.

If you wander round flirting with people they are going to make passes at you. She admits this, and seems fine with it. There is nothing wrong with wandering round being flirty, there is nothing wrong with guys taking that as a signal to make a pass at her.

Feeling her up after being rejected definitely is wrong.

Depends on what you mean by a "pass".

Asking a woman if you can kiss her may feel hard, but looking back on my single teenage years, that's a whole lot easier than "going for a kiss".

Let me add: If you get rejected, be gracious. Say she looks beautiful and any guy would be lucky to receive a kiss from her.

I say all this like I'm Mr. Smooth. Nothing could have been further from the truth and I've been in a committed relationship for 13 years. Watching an episode of Freaks and Geeks last night just brought back a lot of tough memories prior to meeting her.

Asking a woman if you can kiss her may feel hard, but looking back on my single teenage years, that's a whole lot easier than "going for a kiss".

On the other hand, if you can pull off just going for it and she digs it, that makes you look really good.

And that's how it always works in movies. Which is probably a big part of the problem (for both girls and guys).

To clarify, if you're flirting with someone, yes they may flirt back and perhaps "make a pass" at you. In this case however, she was not flirting with this guy. Just because someone is flirting with other people, does not make them open to flirting with you. If they wanted to be flirting with you, they would be already.

Someone being flirtatious with others is not a green light for you to make a pass. Not if they're not flirting with you. Even then, there's still plenty of nuance and context which would determine whether that's acceptable.

Oh I agree.

In this case he was in the wrong all the way; but you could put down everything up to the kiss as misguided, or confused or as simply idiotic behaviour. Guys get funny around flirty girls and make stupid choices.

But action after the clear rebuff is a different matter (and this was sorta the point I was trying to make but it got a bit bogged down).

(on re-reading, in this case, I'd only excuse the bit up to the kiss in this case, he seems to have forced the kiss instead of just going for it [if that follows]).

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