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Comment by RyanMcGreal | Hacker News Reader

I'm surprised at the arrogance and even offensiveness of several of the comments posted here. (I'm also reminded of the currently trending article about sexual harassment and assault at OSS conventions.)

The author's issue not with men hitting on her, as she clearly explains. Her issue is with men obtaining her contact information ostensibly to do business and then using that contact information to hit on her.

Really, is that distinction so hard to understand? Stop excusing bad behaviour under the guise of "biology" or other lame rationalizations. They are as demeaning to men as they are insulting to women.

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Oh man, whenever sexes are involved the comments read like World War II.

To the posters here: Getting a girl's number to ask her on a date on the pretense of networking is creepy.

To the author: Some guys are creepy. Deflect them like you usually do.

This doesn't seem such a big deal!

I think there are two different realities that fit the evidence we've been presented with equally well. One is unacceptable -- and she's well within her rights to complain; the other is acceptable -- and she's making too much of the issue.

It's not beyond the realms of possibility that the following is the case:

  The men "hitting on" her are perfectly polite and 
  interested in her professionally, but also want to see if 
  there's a chance of a date.  If she were to reply, "sorry 
  no", they would leave it at that.

If that reality is the case, her comments are completely unwarranted. She hasn't presented any evidence that excludes that reality, therefore she comes across as whining.

No, I think that sounds unpleasant. Just imagine some guy you met once phoning you about business and then asking you for a date. Still think mixing business and pleasure is okay?

It's also obviously totally unprofessional of the person. I mean, what are they going to say to their boss?

    I met the smart freelancer we're looking for,
    but then I asked her for a date and now she isn't
    returning my calls. Sorry boss.

It's unprofessional and unpleasant.

I don't know about the business aspect, because I'm not a businessman, but if I met someone through the "business" of one of the volunteer organisations I work for, then I think it's perfectly OK for them to contact me, or me to contact them, and ask for a date.

If I wasn't interested I'd say "no thanks" and expect them to get on with life and not harass me. Granted, this may not accurately describe the situation in the article, but in that case the author has not made her point well.

I think context is important. If she is getting phone calls from guys asking for a date straight off then sure, I'd be annoyed too.

But if you develop a business relationship with someone it seems fine to ask if they'd like to go on a date - just like you might as something in the office.

From my observation, though, the former is probably more common than the latter ;)

Would you find it acceptable for someone to call you after finding your resume online but then after the business pretext asking you on a date?

Well I'm a guy but if I wasn't married I'd be flattered.

I'd find it odd if I'd never met them. Having met someone in person is a whole different issue.

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