This is a wake up call. You should investigate whether your felony can be expunged in X years. There is a fair chance it can.
Either way, your good life is all still possible.
The single most important thing you can do is get your priorities in order. Not doing that, say valuing having fun over living a reasonable life, is why you are here now.
The world will, for realz, shut a LOT of doors for you should you continue to treat it as you have done yourself.
Have some self respect. Look hard at that guy in the mirror and begin the process of getting this right.
And I do not intend or want you to feel bad. You may, and you have to work through all that.
No, this is about revisiting your basic life choices. Question them. Begin a self dialog every day. The world you live in begins with that guy in the mirror. Have a talk. A real talk.
Example: holding a door open
This is trivial, but instructive. I did all this myself in my 20's. Was sucked into bad religion, coming out of poverty growing up, angry, jaded, the works. Bad days.
I had a long drive to and from work. I would have that talk during that drive. One little thing questioned each day.
How can I play it differently? Why do I want to play it differently?
You can too.
So, holding a door. Being polite. Nice.
At first, I did it to just comply with good norms. Not good enough. On a bad day, I would revert, and return to shitty.
It was the why that mattered more than the how, or what of things.
One day, it struck me. We all get tired, we all get old, we all like niceness, consideration.
What if it were me?
Boom! You hold the door to amplify good, set norms, and contribute to the net happiness, the better in the world while you can. The doing of that helps with when it is your time.
And you do it because it feels good. We live in harsh times in many ways. Sure, there is amazing tech, and lots of awesome experiences, but there is hate, poverty, war, crime too.
I ended up resolving this to making damn sure I was not contributing to the bad, and that what good I am about can spread, touch others and make it better.
The important thing here is that you find what it takes to change and that you do it for yourself, for your reasons, on your terms.
Brutal honesty with yourself is the way. No fear, no shame, no blame.
Drop this first and only felony shit. That is a bunch of spin and it reeks of someone not taking good care of themselves.
Truth is, if you do not own who you are, this may be the first of other bad things. And for each one, you can do what you are doing; namely, pity party, excuse it away
, or
you can take the wake up call as the opportunity it really is!
Here is the beauty of what I advise:
When you get there, you will look back, laugh at who you were and you will be ultra secure in that great guy you will have become.
That guy is someone people will value. That guy has his priorities in order. That guy can do what I am doing right now too.
That guy can talk about what happened in past terms and with the weight of no longer being that felonious, lost soul.
You need nothing here but quality time with yourself, and support from anyone who knows you and sees you getting after better.
Now, this is hard. I will not sugar coat it:
Right now, evaluate everyone in your life. Who is who?
Winners?
Losers?
Bad influence?
Good influence?
Take your goals, and your priorities, sort them such as you can right now. This will not be perfect. No worries. We all are a work in progress. Know that.
Filter those people into:
Good influence
Role models
Value you for you and will augment your efforts to become, grow, succeed.
The rest?
Phase them out. No need for aggression, no need to tell them anything. Just move toward better, avoid the old, the traps, the bad.
And seek new friends, a lover, perhaps. Make sure they are those people who model better, who you look up to.
Even better than you are.
Watch what they do and say. Ask them questions sometimes, but do not copy.
Take what you see and have that internal talk.
Is that me?
Why?
Etc...
And I will be frank here:
Start with easy shit. Holding that door. Do it. Experience it. Have the chat with yourself.
And when you feel the change, you will know how to get more. You will have internalized what I put here, and then get to work on the big stuff.
Many people simply adopt a lot of rules. They comply and they do so out of fear, shame, etc...
That can work, but it sucks mostly.
What I put here is harder, but the rewards are much greater! You doing you right means feeling alive, vital, not having to pretend, or be inhibited all the time.
Your relationships will be more true. When bad things happen to you, you will be better equipped to power through.
And you will be helping others as much as you help yourself. People will often help others who are helping themselves.
A great world is out there.
Go to the mirror, know absolutely that guy is where it all starts.
How do I know?
Grannie told me. I had a great grannie. So smart. So humble. I miss her, but the gift she gave is the one I give you.
Powerful.
I struggle hard right now too. Like I said, we live in harsh times.
Down deep, I am OK. Do not need much and the people in my corner are the best.
Seek that. You will find it.
No more talk of "first felony"
Just begin living better, well, and be damn good to yourself. Be honest.
Oh, one last thing:
You will become secure in all of this. Making better choices because your priorities are in order does that. Others may judge. It is not about that or them. You do you right for you and all you touch.
As you make progress, those judgements will fall away, leaving good in your and yours lives.
People can tell when you make progress and that opens doors. The ones you need will open when you do this work. Have confidence in all of that. It is the truth.
So go do it. You need no permission.