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My wife and I have a safe-word. After 4 years married (8 years together) we seem to know each other well and can read each other. But it's an additional comfort to have a safe word we can resort to whenever.

Seems like when you're breathless there's not much you can say, but perhaps you can have a safe gesture? Grab your own nose? Or something similarly unambiguous? Good luck and thanks for sharing!

> What kind of heartless monster trains kids to be as literal as possible all the time?

He doesn't say he trains them not to be sarcastic? Just to be literal about their personal boundaries. That doesn't seem heartless to me.

"This post has made me realize that I hold these conflicting opinions simultaneously."

I am not good with poetry, but I've enjoyed "Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes." from Walt Whitman's Song of Myself.

Think of cats and belly rubs. Now that's a mind war! Kitty lays on the floor showing you it's belly, you pet it two-three times, suddenly claws are out and you 're screaming for help! Learn to read when claws are close, and you 're golden :)

Kitty lies on its back because it wants to play-fight with you.

...and what do you believe tickling is? :)

play fights are consensual. You can and should consent before a play fight starts, and have a clear way to end the play fight before you start.

>What kind of heartless monster trains kids to be as literal as possible all the time?

Kids start out as literal as possible all the time, no training necessary. As far as my kids are concerned Amelia Bedelia's a documentary.

Grown ups should be able to interpret spoken words in context and act accordingly. If my kid says 'no' but clearly signals the opposite, I take it as a yes. In doubt, I take it at face value.

Clear communication is important to learn. But learning to understand subtext is in my opinion just as important.

If it's not fun, you can't ruin the fun.

It's, of course, anybody's right to make oneself a toy for a partner, even if it hurts. But the partner might not like to actually hurt you, and might be sorry if she learned she did so by mistake.

> What kind of heartless monster trains kids to be as literal as possible all the time? Why not strive to teach them about appropriate context instead?

A heartless monster who understands that "appropriate context" is a rapidly moving target in the modern world, and who wants to ensure that their kids grow up safe from either side of both misunderstandings and "misunderstandings", insofar as that is possible.

Honestly interested, do you have kids that you make this statement?

I don't, but appreciate that as an adult, "appropriate context" is a rapidly moving target, and it seems that being trained to be and assume all-literal, all the time would have left me deeply unprepared for interacting with other human beings in the real world.

I do not yet have kids. I don't think that the original article author intended to convey that they're teaching their kids to be all-literal, all the time, but to take a verbal "no" very literally, other statements aside.

Lastly, I don't know that I would actually choose to raise my kids this way. I might instead think that it's enough to warn them about people at appropriate (to me and them) times. However, I think that choosing to prioritize social safety over social ease is not an indefensible child-raising strategy.

Yes, I have kids. It's especially important for kids to learn how to express consent/non-consent clearly, because they can be easily manipulated, confused, and lied to.

I don't want a molester or bully to teach my child that molestation was my child's fault because "'no' means 'yes'".

"literal all the time" is absurd hyperbole. Literal about personal bodily safety is good sense. And frankly, sarcasm is a "low" way of speaking, and we'd all do better to have less of is, particularly because people tend to forget that sarcasm is communicated through tone, so they keep trying and failing to use sarcasm effectively in text communication.

I also let my kids say no when they don’t want to be tickled because I think its important at a young age to know they should have some control over their bodies. Because I’m not going to be the only adult they interact with.

"appropriate context" isn't so much a moving target, as it is something people are learning about rapidly, and taking victims more seriously.

>What kind of heartless monster trains kids to be as literal as possible all the time?

A "modern" parent who has read too much for their own good.